So tonight I was thinking about the course of my life. It seems like over the last year of my life God has been orchestrating events in my life in a very specific direction. I know most of anyone reading this, will be thinking, yeah, that is what God does all the time, right, he's God. The answer is yes. I've just been wrestling with the question: is God always speaking as loudly to my heart as it feels he has been over the last several months and I have just done a good job of ignoring him? Or does the very audible leading come and go with seasons and appointments. I think about the Elijah passage and wonder if for too long I've been listening to the storm and earthquake and the whisper has remained constant but ignored. I think this is likely. Maybe the most important thing I could do, is seek to remove all the noise of my life to strip it down to essentials. His voice has come most recently in conversations, music, books, and quiet. I realize that I cannot view monasticism as an oppurutnity to hear his voice...no matter how appealing being a monk is to me. Nevertheless I realize that all of my life on earth is the life of my choosing. I'm not trying to launch into a conversation about election here, but rather the way I spend my time, energy, and resource. Today I spoke with a friend of mine who was telling me about her brother and his struggles with the law, addiction, and life in general. They had a very similar conditioning from youth, which wasn't a healthy upbringing, but nevertheless she has risen from it to faith, and a life of proclaiming it. He on the other hand has shunned several oppurtunities to grow out of the world he has lived in, I don't understand. I am on the fence about who is to blame, or even if placing a value on attitudes, like blaming them is necessary. It ultimately made me think of myself and the way I waste so much of my life. It makes me sick to think about this. Today I have been greatly humbled by God. I think about my lack of faith to act with decisiveness and passion in regards to things he puts inside of me. One of the most painful things I remember my mom telling me when I was a kid, in regards to somehing stupid like hairstyle or appearance was, "Play the game, son." I remember thinking to myself, "I will never play the game, just cause." I need a reason, yet my idealism has obviously waned in some areas because I see myself becoming passive agressive towards people who stand against the things I feel so passionately about in my heart. I think I am rambling, but I feel like I need to get this stuff down so I can come back and try and understand what is going on. One of my friends recently asked me in an e-mail, "you know anybody can read your blogs right?" Of course, I think part of me loves the idea that I can be naked in thought on my blogs and other people can see it for what it is. I like that I have an outlet to express my insides, and if someone wants to check that out, if nothing else they know how to pray for me. SO there is a digression. So tonight I was leaving the gym and I watched a lady and her son walk out the door in fron tof me, and thought t was beautiful to see her telling her son to look out as he ran towards the curb with velocity. I'm not sure what was so beautiful about it but I just kept thinking about it, and was happy and sad all at once. I think ultimately I am overwhelmed right now with the broken state of man, and watching that mother was love and it was real. It is a commodity. I have no choice but to cling to the only love I know, and the only love any of us can hope in...the cross of Christ. So I just got the new Derek Webb CD--Mockingbird, and think, lyrically, it is very important. So I am gonna transcribe a song. Its called A New Law:
don’t teach me about politics and government
just tell me who to vote for
don’t teach me about truth and beauty
just label my music
don’t teach me how to live like a free man
just give me a new law
i don’t wanna know if the answers aren’t easy
so just bring it down from the mountain to me
i want a new law
i want a new law
gimme that new law
don’t teach me about moderation and liberty
i prefer a shot of grape juice
don’t teach me about loving my enemies
don’t teach me how to listen to the Spirit
just give me a new law
what’s the use in trading a law you can never keep
for one you can that cannot get you anything
do not be afraid
do not be afraid
do not be afraid
I think he is using his gift of music to speak truth into all our lives. My prayer is that I let him speak God's truth to my heart. Its getting late, I'm snowboarding early tomorrow. consequently ,out.
Friday, January 27, 2006
Monday, January 23, 2006
Love
When love beckons to you, follow him,
Though his ways are hard and steep.
And when his wings enfold you yield to him,
Though the sword hidden among his pinions may wound you.
And when he speaks to you believe in him,
Though his voice may shatter your dreams as the north wind lays waste the garden.
For even as love crowns you so shall he crucify you.
Even as he is for your growth so is he for your pruning.
Even as he ascends to your height and caresses your tenderest branches that quiver in the sun,
So shall he descend to your roots and shake them in their clinging to the earth.
Like sheaves of corn he gathers you unto himself.
He threshes you to make you naked.
He sifts you to free you from your husks.
He grinds you to whiteness.
He kneads you until you are pliant;
And then he assigns you to his sacred fire, that you may become sacred bread for God's sacred feast.
All these things shall love do unto you that you may know the secrets of your heart, and in that knowledge become a fragment of Life's heart.
But if in your fear you would seek only love's peace and love's pleasure,
Then it is better for you that you cover your nakedness and pass out of love's threshing floor,
Into the seasonless world where you shall laugh, but not all of your laughter, and weep, but not all of your tears.
Love gives naught but itself and takes naught but from itself.
Love possessesnot nor would it be possessed;
For love is sufficient unto love.
When you love you should not say, "God is in my heart," but rather, "I am in the heart of God."
And think not you can direct the course of love, for love, if it finds you worthy, directs your course.
Love has no other desire but to fulfill itself.
But if you love and must needs have desires, let these be your desires:
To melt and be like a running brook that sings its melody to the night.
To know the pain of too much tenderness.
To be wounded by your own understanding of love;
And to bleed willingly and joyfully.
To wake at dawn with a winged heart and give thanks for another day of loving;
To rest at the noon hour and meditate love's ecstasy;
To return home at eventide with gratitude;
And then to sleep with a prayer for the beloved in your heart and a song of praise upon your lips.
--Khalil Gibran
To whom he is referring most I am uncertain, but there is only one I know who fits this description. Hallelujah.
Though his ways are hard and steep.
And when his wings enfold you yield to him,
Though the sword hidden among his pinions may wound you.
And when he speaks to you believe in him,
Though his voice may shatter your dreams as the north wind lays waste the garden.
For even as love crowns you so shall he crucify you.
Even as he is for your growth so is he for your pruning.
Even as he ascends to your height and caresses your tenderest branches that quiver in the sun,
So shall he descend to your roots and shake them in their clinging to the earth.
Like sheaves of corn he gathers you unto himself.
He threshes you to make you naked.
He sifts you to free you from your husks.
He grinds you to whiteness.
He kneads you until you are pliant;
And then he assigns you to his sacred fire, that you may become sacred bread for God's sacred feast.
All these things shall love do unto you that you may know the secrets of your heart, and in that knowledge become a fragment of Life's heart.
But if in your fear you would seek only love's peace and love's pleasure,
Then it is better for you that you cover your nakedness and pass out of love's threshing floor,
Into the seasonless world where you shall laugh, but not all of your laughter, and weep, but not all of your tears.
Love gives naught but itself and takes naught but from itself.
Love possessesnot nor would it be possessed;
For love is sufficient unto love.
When you love you should not say, "God is in my heart," but rather, "I am in the heart of God."
And think not you can direct the course of love, for love, if it finds you worthy, directs your course.
Love has no other desire but to fulfill itself.
But if you love and must needs have desires, let these be your desires:
To melt and be like a running brook that sings its melody to the night.
To know the pain of too much tenderness.
To be wounded by your own understanding of love;
And to bleed willingly and joyfully.
To wake at dawn with a winged heart and give thanks for another day of loving;
To rest at the noon hour and meditate love's ecstasy;
To return home at eventide with gratitude;
And then to sleep with a prayer for the beloved in your heart and a song of praise upon your lips.
--Khalil Gibran
To whom he is referring most I am uncertain, but there is only one I know who fits this description. Hallelujah.
Thursday, January 19, 2006
Playing along
Four jobs you have had in your life:
Checker, Stocker--Piggly Wiggly, Escatawpa MS
Gopher--State Farm Insurance-Moss Point MS
Barista--Wired Bean--FoCo CO
Fence Builder--Sining River Fence Co.--Moss Point MS
Four movies you would watch over and over:
Gross Pointe Blank
Waynes World 2
Oceans 11
September Sessions
Four places you have lived:
Escatawpa, MS
Clinton, MS
Ft. Collins, CO
Positive state of mind
Four TV shows you love to watch:
College Gameday, during college football season
Seinfeld
(Really don't watch much TV)Any Baseball
Friends
Four places you have been on vacation:
Key Largo, FL
San Clemente, CA
Surabaya, Indonesia
West Palm Beach, FL
Four websites I visit daily:
ESPN.com
Hotmail.com
flippin' myspace.com--I can't stop
peeps blogs
Four of my favorite foods:
Good cheeseburgers
Cereal- Special K w/ strawberries, frosted flakes
Most Pizza
An Ed's Special from Ed's drive in Pascagoula, MS
Four places I would rather be right now:
South Florida w/ my homies from college
Any warm beach
nowhere, I dig my world and life
Around my pool at my house in MS, in the summer, with dad working on a car in the shop, classic rock playing on the stereo, josh and Krista home, and Mom bringing out PB and J for lunch.--I'm sentimental.
So the way this works is I tag some fools and make them answer these fun get to know you questions, here go. I tag novelthought, insessions, and bythebeachboy
Checker, Stocker--Piggly Wiggly, Escatawpa MS
Gopher--State Farm Insurance-Moss Point MS
Barista--Wired Bean--FoCo CO
Fence Builder--Sining River Fence Co.--Moss Point MS
Four movies you would watch over and over:
Gross Pointe Blank
Waynes World 2
Oceans 11
September Sessions
Four places you have lived:
Escatawpa, MS
Clinton, MS
Ft. Collins, CO
Positive state of mind
Four TV shows you love to watch:
College Gameday, during college football season
Seinfeld
(Really don't watch much TV)Any Baseball
Friends
Four places you have been on vacation:
Key Largo, FL
San Clemente, CA
Surabaya, Indonesia
West Palm Beach, FL
Four websites I visit daily:
ESPN.com
Hotmail.com
flippin' myspace.com--I can't stop
peeps blogs
Four of my favorite foods:
Good cheeseburgers
Cereal- Special K w/ strawberries, frosted flakes
Most Pizza
An Ed's Special from Ed's drive in Pascagoula, MS
Four places I would rather be right now:
South Florida w/ my homies from college
Any warm beach
nowhere, I dig my world and life
Around my pool at my house in MS, in the summer, with dad working on a car in the shop, classic rock playing on the stereo, josh and Krista home, and Mom bringing out PB and J for lunch.--I'm sentimental.
So the way this works is I tag some fools and make them answer these fun get to know you questions, here go. I tag novelthought, insessions, and bythebeachboy
Tuesday, January 17, 2006
our disposable world
So I think too much sometimes, the following is one such instance. I've observed that many people, especially people around my age seem to feel an angst about relationships. Most of us live disconnected lives, and when asked feel like we are missing out but, at the same time don't know what to do about it. I'm wondering if this angst and inability to connect is due in some way, shape, for, or fashion to our dependence on the disposable nature of our lives. For example in the past if our TV's broke we would take them to the TV repair guy. Now if they die, we trash them and buy a new one. Eating meals at home was more necessary because eating on the go never really became a comfortable option until the widespread use of fast food franchises and paper products. The flippin' milk used to come in class bottles on the doorstep, now plastic cartons. Pop bottles were worth something, now only to tree-huggin recyclers. Alright so I could continue but I think I have illustrated my thoughts semi-accurately enough. I wonder if our reliance and conditioning to rely on disposable products has caused us to at some level treat most relationships the same way. I know that I could use some help in treating the people I love better. I wonder if one of the reasons I don't call the people I care about more is because of everything in my world being easy to replace. I think this is why porn is such a common struggle with people. Porn is essentially an issue with disposability at the heart of it. Porn allows one to fool themselves into a fake intimacy that requires nothing of them, and in the end they can forget quickly and move on. All the while their souls are being corrupted because they are letting things inside that will never fill the hole that is there. I wonder if the whole disposability thing has caused us to treat human relationships the same. Do we all think that we can easily replace the tings we treasure because we can easily replace almost anything else? I know that in several other areas I have realized I am a product of my conditioning. Perhaps this is one more.
Last night I watched Hotel Rwanda. whoa. I don't really know what to say. It was really heavy. It made me think of the blackness of our hearts. It made me think of my ethnocentrism that I promise doesn't exist. It made me fell the weight of the call of Christ. It hurt to view it from my perspective, much less the way God views it. They said that in the wake of that Massacre over a million corpses were left. Perhaps one of the most interesting things, was the reasons the hatred existed between the factions. They hated each other because of the power one group held at one time, versus who hold the power now. That is worth the lives of thousands. I need to read more. It made me sense the urgency of delivering the Gospel message to our world daily. Who knows the scope the Gospel may have. Just because I cannot go to Rwanda tomorrow does not mean that the gospel could not travel there by any of our faithfulness to share it boldly in our corner of earth. This movie was more weighty than I desired to witness. I felt so much shame for the way I have disregarded justice on earth, and even in my day to day treatment of people. I must love. That is all can say I gues. I must love ferociously.
This post is pretty melancholy, but these are just things I needed to get down before I forgot about them. I'll probably post a second time this week discussing the high points of my trip to Northern California, as well as a manifesto describing how good Brand New's "Deja Entendu" and Derek Webb's "I see things Upside down" CD's are. until, cheers.
Last night I watched Hotel Rwanda. whoa. I don't really know what to say. It was really heavy. It made me think of the blackness of our hearts. It made me think of my ethnocentrism that I promise doesn't exist. It made me fell the weight of the call of Christ. It hurt to view it from my perspective, much less the way God views it. They said that in the wake of that Massacre over a million corpses were left. Perhaps one of the most interesting things, was the reasons the hatred existed between the factions. They hated each other because of the power one group held at one time, versus who hold the power now. That is worth the lives of thousands. I need to read more. It made me sense the urgency of delivering the Gospel message to our world daily. Who knows the scope the Gospel may have. Just because I cannot go to Rwanda tomorrow does not mean that the gospel could not travel there by any of our faithfulness to share it boldly in our corner of earth. This movie was more weighty than I desired to witness. I felt so much shame for the way I have disregarded justice on earth, and even in my day to day treatment of people. I must love. That is all can say I gues. I must love ferociously.
This post is pretty melancholy, but these are just things I needed to get down before I forgot about them. I'll probably post a second time this week discussing the high points of my trip to Northern California, as well as a manifesto describing how good Brand New's "Deja Entendu" and Derek Webb's "I see things Upside down" CD's are. until, cheers.
Thursday, January 05, 2006
musak.
So a friend of mind hooked me up with Derek Webb's "House Show" CD and it rocks. It is him and his guitar and he preaches a ton. It is beautiful. His words are passionate, and the songs are great. So much of this CD is directed at the church and God's romancing of it, as well as our mandate to love the church as well. It is scratching me where I itch. I hope that doesn't sound gross. Why would it? Why am I typing these questions?
The aforementioned friend is my pal Van. I love him. Within a small handful of people in my life I feel I have a soul connection with. Whatever that means. I know what I mean. If he and my sis had never dated and broken up who knows. I think he is probably one of the people that helped me develop a love for music. In addition he hooked me up with a CD called electric Mud. It is Muddy Waters first CD with and electric, and it is bad to the bone. Muddy, by the way is from MS. It is real. That being said I think that is what I like about Derek Webb as well. He is real.
Final note: Julie attempted contact on or near Christmas day via the cell phone to see how I was handling being home post storm. It was a voicemail. I thought it was nice. Perhaps one day we can be pals.
The aforementioned friend is my pal Van. I love him. Within a small handful of people in my life I feel I have a soul connection with. Whatever that means. I know what I mean. If he and my sis had never dated and broken up who knows. I think he is probably one of the people that helped me develop a love for music. In addition he hooked me up with a CD called electric Mud. It is Muddy Waters first CD with and electric, and it is bad to the bone. Muddy, by the way is from MS. It is real. That being said I think that is what I like about Derek Webb as well. He is real.
Final note: Julie attempted contact on or near Christmas day via the cell phone to see how I was handling being home post storm. It was a voicemail. I thought it was nice. Perhaps one day we can be pals.
Katrina thoughts
So yesterday was my last day at home on the gulf coast before returning to Colorado. One of the things I had wanted to do in the 2 weeks I was home was drive all the way from Pass Christian to Biloxi along the beach to really get a handle on what happened. The first night I got home I went to the beach and looked for awhile but wore out quick. It was a lot harder to confront all of that than I thought it would be. The whole time I was home people just wanted to talk about the storm. It kept coming up, no matter what we were discussing. It has effected many lives and will continue to do so, I think for many years. As I looked yesterday at a camp that was home to me for three summers on the western end of the gulf coast and saw the damage first hand, I was awestruck. All up the coast it was as if someone took and eraser and just erased everything along the water. It is really hard to articulate all that I felt in regards to the storm. I still get irritable when I hear people not from home talk about everything. I can't really explain why.
I did hear something cool while watching the Sugar Bowl. Former hated Florida GAtor and heisman trophy winner, danny wuerful was talking about a mission he worked with. He is a believer. Anyway he was talking abou tthe effect of the storm on poverty in New Orleans and said that the name Katrina meant cleansing. I thought that was beautiful. After thinking about that as I looked at the houseless foundations, I thought in some ways this was a beautiful thing. We are the ones that decided to take up those spots of earth with our castles. I'm not saying that I don't mourn with compassion, I do. At the same time though it is a great reminder the power of God to make all things new. We've built empires and God can reduce them to rubble in minutes. It is a humbling thought. There is a solemn beauty in that thought. I guess this is all I can communicate about all of this for right now. I am continuing to work through everything.
I did hear something cool while watching the Sugar Bowl. Former hated Florida GAtor and heisman trophy winner, danny wuerful was talking about a mission he worked with. He is a believer. Anyway he was talking abou tthe effect of the storm on poverty in New Orleans and said that the name Katrina meant cleansing. I thought that was beautiful. After thinking about that as I looked at the houseless foundations, I thought in some ways this was a beautiful thing. We are the ones that decided to take up those spots of earth with our castles. I'm not saying that I don't mourn with compassion, I do. At the same time though it is a great reminder the power of God to make all things new. We've built empires and God can reduce them to rubble in minutes. It is a humbling thought. There is a solemn beauty in that thought. I guess this is all I can communicate about all of this for right now. I am continuing to work through everything.
Friday, December 30, 2005
fuzzy memories
I think its wierd how closed into my own world I can get. It is really easy for me to get into a routine with my life, and the more into my life I get, the more things in my past fade away. For example I have been in Clinton, MS the past couple of days and been kicking it with my friends. As we drive around I have forgotten how to get around. Although I lived here for the better part of four years, things from my past seem to feel a bit like a dream more than a reality. I guess in a lot of ways I feel like so much stuff has happened in the 2 1/2 years since I left this place it is easy for me to compartmentalize that part of my life. The relationships haven't changed. Hanging with my friends is still like it used to be thankfully. However everything else feels different. I guess when I get into such a rhythm with the way my life flows in Colorado, anything different feels like an eternity away even though it has been much more brief. So anyway enough with circle speech.
It seems that somedays I do wish to be back here at MC in college in the dorms with my buddies close by, but now I've realized all I miss are relationships and memories. College itself was merely a vehicle for those two things. Moving back home, or being back in school are not the answers, its simply hanging onto and growing the relationships I have. I feel like crap for not talking to my friends more. I can see how it is hard for people to hear me say they are dear to me, and then ignore them for a couple of months. It is true, but I realize, especially after being with them, that the best thing I can do if they are dear to me, is love them with a lot of action as well, if nfor no other reason than to serve them as my pals. I am so blessed to have shared life with so many wonderful people. Last night I played touch football in the quad of MC with 3 pals until 1 in the morning. THAT is beautiful. They are all so good to me.
This is far more sappy than I intended and I know some of them are gonna read this, so at the risk of being a huge dork I will stop. Much love if any of you are reading this.
On a lighter note as my friend and former live in life partner Jason played Pearl Jam songs on the guitar last night I realized how much I freaking love them. I think I could still play any of their CD's and listen all the way through and love every minute of it just like I could in ninth grade. I think that is why I dig them and will fight with anyone and say unashamedly that they are the best and most important band of my generation. They have shaped the way I listen to rock and roll, and probable are one of the reasons I love it so much. This post is getting monotonous and I am wearing myself out, so I can't even imagine what it is like for some who may read this garbage.
It seems that somedays I do wish to be back here at MC in college in the dorms with my buddies close by, but now I've realized all I miss are relationships and memories. College itself was merely a vehicle for those two things. Moving back home, or being back in school are not the answers, its simply hanging onto and growing the relationships I have. I feel like crap for not talking to my friends more. I can see how it is hard for people to hear me say they are dear to me, and then ignore them for a couple of months. It is true, but I realize, especially after being with them, that the best thing I can do if they are dear to me, is love them with a lot of action as well, if nfor no other reason than to serve them as my pals. I am so blessed to have shared life with so many wonderful people. Last night I played touch football in the quad of MC with 3 pals until 1 in the morning. THAT is beautiful. They are all so good to me.
This is far more sappy than I intended and I know some of them are gonna read this, so at the risk of being a huge dork I will stop. Much love if any of you are reading this.
On a lighter note as my friend and former live in life partner Jason played Pearl Jam songs on the guitar last night I realized how much I freaking love them. I think I could still play any of their CD's and listen all the way through and love every minute of it just like I could in ninth grade. I think that is why I dig them and will fight with anyone and say unashamedly that they are the best and most important band of my generation. They have shaped the way I listen to rock and roll, and probable are one of the reasons I love it so much. This post is getting monotonous and I am wearing myself out, so I can't even imagine what it is like for some who may read this garbage.
Sunday, December 25, 2005
Festivus
This Christmas was really nice. It was full of things that I think I want to capture before they get too far away from my mind. The first and one of the most notable is my grandpa. He has Alzheimer's and it definitely seems to be progressing. In recent visits home I feel terrible but have really avoided being around him. I feel terrible because of it, but I guess it helps me not deal with him being different the less I see him different. However this Christmas break I got to be around him more. In al lseriousness it does feel like hanging out with a stranger. Oddly enough this is probably his sentiment as well. Nevertheless today as we sat in church he told me I used to know all these people here. As we passed by some other churches on the way home he told me he used to preach for people at all those places. He told me of his car, that he used to drive a car like this, maybe the same one. That was cool. Now as I type it makes me sad, but at the time I was happy. It felt like for the first time I could understand the disease. I think initially one of the problems I had with it all was how I could watch him fight what was happening. He would be told things, and react negatively because he wasn't fully concious of what was happening. Now I don't think the old man is there. I think who he was before the disease is like a dream of sorts to him now. Consequently it is the same for me. Whether or not this is accurate or merely my bad observation I do not know, but I do know that I love this man. I love him like I love my grandpa growing up. Every encounter with him reminds of the that statement in the seven ages of man, by Shakespeare I think, "once a man twice a child." I am grateful for having had this encounter and confrontation with what has been going on with my grandpa.
It was also cool hanging with the sibs and nephews and nieces. As my sister has children at breakneck speed, it is fun to watch our family grow. Her life is very different than mine. She is only two years older but is currently pregnant with her 4th kid. She has been married 4 years. She is the total mom. It is something to behold. Anyway back to the chil'ren. It is wild to watch them on CHristmas morning. It is a picture of the same thing that goes on inside of me all the time. The heart never gets its fill of having. The having leads to more wanting, not peace. I know I was the same way when I was young, but nonetheless, it helps me think about my own heart and how broke it is. I contributed by giving them too much, but it is pretty fun buying and shopping for toys. I don't mean to paint them as demons, but merely versions of myself. Even as kids I can already see to quote Crowder, "the depth of our fall, and the weight of it all." All of that aside this Christmas has really brought me to a place of valuing family above all else. As I saw with my own eyes and through the stroies of friends here, the storm was overwhelming. I can't really articulate things. Nevertheless it has reminded me of my blessings. It has helped me to be extremely grateful for all I have and a great reminder to be free of hoping in things. Literally I had friends that lost all of their possessions in a single wave. What aportrait of our everpresent reality. I feel the need to apologize to anyone who may read this beside myself. I am being a huge dork as I type. My brain works like this. I want to type this stuff though, b/c I don't want to wait, and journaling my hand is too cumbersome. So forgive my dramatic and weighty contemplation of nonsense. I gotta talk.
Another thing that is pressing hard upon me, is the punk I have been to my parents growing up. Just being around them and thinkin of all the futile stuff we fought about, and I whined about it overwhelms me. I am unbelievably indebted to them and realize this every time I sit at my home or simply think of them.
There are so many other things that are heavy on me now, but I will refrain from posting them right now, b/c this computer is where my niece is sleeping and she needs to sleep. By the way she is like a human stuffed animal and just loves to be held. That rocks.
One final note. I read the book "Blink" by Malcolm Gladwell this week and it was fascinating. It is all about how we should learn to feed our unconcious and then trust a decision our unconcious makes in a blink. Mainly it is the idea that more information doesn't always mean we have the ability to make a better decision. The book shows some compelling data as to why. It also says we should release ourselvess to trust feeling we have that we can't explain. He says sometimes if we feel a certain way, we should not kill ourselves or discount the idea simply because we can't unpack it fully. Anyway it is all about psychology and interesting.
It was also cool hanging with the sibs and nephews and nieces. As my sister has children at breakneck speed, it is fun to watch our family grow. Her life is very different than mine. She is only two years older but is currently pregnant with her 4th kid. She has been married 4 years. She is the total mom. It is something to behold. Anyway back to the chil'ren. It is wild to watch them on CHristmas morning. It is a picture of the same thing that goes on inside of me all the time. The heart never gets its fill of having. The having leads to more wanting, not peace. I know I was the same way when I was young, but nonetheless, it helps me think about my own heart and how broke it is. I contributed by giving them too much, but it is pretty fun buying and shopping for toys. I don't mean to paint them as demons, but merely versions of myself. Even as kids I can already see to quote Crowder, "the depth of our fall, and the weight of it all." All of that aside this Christmas has really brought me to a place of valuing family above all else. As I saw with my own eyes and through the stroies of friends here, the storm was overwhelming. I can't really articulate things. Nevertheless it has reminded me of my blessings. It has helped me to be extremely grateful for all I have and a great reminder to be free of hoping in things. Literally I had friends that lost all of their possessions in a single wave. What aportrait of our everpresent reality. I feel the need to apologize to anyone who may read this beside myself. I am being a huge dork as I type. My brain works like this. I want to type this stuff though, b/c I don't want to wait, and journaling my hand is too cumbersome. So forgive my dramatic and weighty contemplation of nonsense. I gotta talk.
Another thing that is pressing hard upon me, is the punk I have been to my parents growing up. Just being around them and thinkin of all the futile stuff we fought about, and I whined about it overwhelms me. I am unbelievably indebted to them and realize this every time I sit at my home or simply think of them.
There are so many other things that are heavy on me now, but I will refrain from posting them right now, b/c this computer is where my niece is sleeping and she needs to sleep. By the way she is like a human stuffed animal and just loves to be held. That rocks.
One final note. I read the book "Blink" by Malcolm Gladwell this week and it was fascinating. It is all about how we should learn to feed our unconcious and then trust a decision our unconcious makes in a blink. Mainly it is the idea that more information doesn't always mean we have the ability to make a better decision. The book shows some compelling data as to why. It also says we should release ourselvess to trust feeling we have that we can't explain. He says sometimes if we feel a certain way, we should not kill ourselves or discount the idea simply because we can't unpack it fully. Anyway it is all about psychology and interesting.
Thursday, December 15, 2005
Bumper Sticker Heaven
One of the things I love about living in Northern Colorado is all of the sweet bumper stickers you see when you drive around town. For example if you see an old Subaru, you definitely want to pull in behind it, for the mere pleasure of reading all the really sweet bumper stickers. So for whatever reason, one of my favorites has been on my mind, and I've been thinking about it alot. By the way, most of the stickers are from hippy type folks that I dig. Here is my favorite one up to this point:
Bare Feet, Not Arms.
Word. I'm thinking about adopting it as my motto or something, but then I think everyone back home will think I have completely gone over the edge. Maybe I have, I don't know (and if the world is a circle how can we go over the edge anyway). Anyway I wanted to make sure to post this before I forgot about it. Its not that I don't dig the BIll of Rights and my attempts at hunting, I just like th eimage that comes into my head of being barefoot in some green grass, instead of clutching a weapon. I don't want to get utopian here so at the risk, of sounding trite. out.
BY the way I feel that I should note that this not the stuff I was planning on writing aforementioned in the previous post, this is just what came out.
Bare Feet, Not Arms.
Word. I'm thinking about adopting it as my motto or something, but then I think everyone back home will think I have completely gone over the edge. Maybe I have, I don't know (and if the world is a circle how can we go over the edge anyway). Anyway I wanted to make sure to post this before I forgot about it. Its not that I don't dig the BIll of Rights and my attempts at hunting, I just like th eimage that comes into my head of being barefoot in some green grass, instead of clutching a weapon. I don't want to get utopian here so at the risk, of sounding trite. out.
BY the way I feel that I should note that this not the stuff I was planning on writing aforementioned in the previous post, this is just what came out.
Narnia and other stuff
On Tuesday night Vinnie and I went and saw The lion, the witch, and the wardrobe. I thought they did a great job with the movie. I really got into the chronicles of narnia last summer, and they were unbelievable. After about four weeks of reading the books, I would see animals and hope they woud talk to me. I felt like I understood Narnia, and was really sucked into the fantasy of the books. I realize this makes me a nerd, but I think I'd dig living in a world with talking animals. But then again, if animals could talk we'd probably have a lot of guilt we'd have to deal with when we eat them, leash them, domesticate them, destroy their homes for subdivisions. At the risk of launching into a hippy, Peta sounding rant I will let that issue rest. Nevertheless the movie was good. Three things perplexed me after watching it though.
Issue One:
Liam Neesan(or however it is spelt) did Aslan's voice. No offense to Liam, I think he is an allright actor, no one could do that character Justice. Aslan is painted in such a (pardon the silly, dramatic, word) majestic light in the book that no human rendering of him visually or audibly could do him justice. SO at the risk of whining I am trying to force myself to come up with an alternative voice for THE lion. The best answer I could come up with was the voice over guy for NFL films. Not Steve Sabol, the produceer and guy that wears a sweater and introduces each film. The narrator who speaks when they are showing the Purple People eaters, or 1998 Falcons team. That guy has a commanding voice. So there is issue number one.
Issue two:
The beavers had british accents. I could not really discover any intelligible reason for this. One could guess because CS was, but then for that matter why don't all the other animals have British accents as well. It seems that any time you do a movie from a past time, someone inadvertently has to have a British accent. Thats frustrating. (By the way why don't we ever say advertently. It seems we only use the negative, and that doesn't seem fair.) Nevertheless I guess the candy apple answer is they are British, because in their world like ours people have different accents based on their geography. I do think answer is too simple though.
Issue Three:
I thought the white witch was hot. This is probably the most disconcerting of the three issues I had with the film. Those dreads in her hair were amazing. Geez I'm sad. The problem I have with thinking the white witch was hot, is that she is the devil. I mean I know lucifer was the most beautiful of angels, so much that it was a point of pride, but I don't want to like him for that. Half the time when she was doing terrible things in the movie, all I could think about was wanting to hold her hand, and touch her dreads. Alright this is getting creepy, and people actually read this, so I'll bring this to a close quickly. Anyway I guess I should explore what thinking the white witch was hot means about my soul, or just forget and think about the Braves and Rockies chances next year. (By the way the Rockies made some excellent moves in the Winter meetings, and I think we are one veteran power bat away from 80 wins next year. Believe that.)
So this is what I got. I might post later today because I have a lot of random crap I want to verbalize, b/c I'm tired of having it inside.
Issue One:
Liam Neesan(or however it is spelt) did Aslan's voice. No offense to Liam, I think he is an allright actor, no one could do that character Justice. Aslan is painted in such a (pardon the silly, dramatic, word) majestic light in the book that no human rendering of him visually or audibly could do him justice. SO at the risk of whining I am trying to force myself to come up with an alternative voice for THE lion. The best answer I could come up with was the voice over guy for NFL films. Not Steve Sabol, the produceer and guy that wears a sweater and introduces each film. The narrator who speaks when they are showing the Purple People eaters, or 1998 Falcons team. That guy has a commanding voice. So there is issue number one.
Issue two:
The beavers had british accents. I could not really discover any intelligible reason for this. One could guess because CS was, but then for that matter why don't all the other animals have British accents as well. It seems that any time you do a movie from a past time, someone inadvertently has to have a British accent. Thats frustrating. (By the way why don't we ever say advertently. It seems we only use the negative, and that doesn't seem fair.) Nevertheless I guess the candy apple answer is they are British, because in their world like ours people have different accents based on their geography. I do think answer is too simple though.
Issue Three:
I thought the white witch was hot. This is probably the most disconcerting of the three issues I had with the film. Those dreads in her hair were amazing. Geez I'm sad. The problem I have with thinking the white witch was hot, is that she is the devil. I mean I know lucifer was the most beautiful of angels, so much that it was a point of pride, but I don't want to like him for that. Half the time when she was doing terrible things in the movie, all I could think about was wanting to hold her hand, and touch her dreads. Alright this is getting creepy, and people actually read this, so I'll bring this to a close quickly. Anyway I guess I should explore what thinking the white witch was hot means about my soul, or just forget and think about the Braves and Rockies chances next year. (By the way the Rockies made some excellent moves in the Winter meetings, and I think we are one veteran power bat away from 80 wins next year. Believe that.)
So this is what I got. I might post later today because I have a lot of random crap I want to verbalize, b/c I'm tired of having it inside.
Wednesday, November 30, 2005
the vagrant gypsy life
So yesterday one of my friends included this poem in an e-mail they sent me and it took me back. I memorized this in the ninth grade, when we had learn a poem for our english class and share it. It was a blessing hearing it again, so I want to put it here so I don't lose it again
Sea Fever
By: John Masefield
I must go down to the seas again, to the lonely seas and the sky,
And all I ask is a tall ship and a star to steer her by,
And the wheel's kick and the wind's song and the white sail's shaking,
And a grey mist on the sea's face, and a grey dawn breaking.
I must go down to the seas again, for the call of the running tide
Is a wild call and a clear call that may not be denied;
And all I ask is a windy day with the white clouds flying,
And the flung spray and the blown spume, and the sea-gulls crying.
I must go down to the seas again, to the vagrant gypsy life,
To the gull's way and the whale's way where the wind's like a whetted knife;
And all I ask is a merry yarn from a laughing fellow-rover
And quiet sleep and a sweet dream when the long trick's over.
So thats it, I think I am a sap for loving such things, but I'm glad I have that poem again, I've always remembered parts, and now I have the whole. I want the vagrant gypsy life a bit too much I think. We is what we is.
Sea Fever
By: John Masefield
I must go down to the seas again, to the lonely seas and the sky,
And all I ask is a tall ship and a star to steer her by,
And the wheel's kick and the wind's song and the white sail's shaking,
And a grey mist on the sea's face, and a grey dawn breaking.
I must go down to the seas again, for the call of the running tide
Is a wild call and a clear call that may not be denied;
And all I ask is a windy day with the white clouds flying,
And the flung spray and the blown spume, and the sea-gulls crying.
I must go down to the seas again, to the vagrant gypsy life,
To the gull's way and the whale's way where the wind's like a whetted knife;
And all I ask is a merry yarn from a laughing fellow-rover
And quiet sleep and a sweet dream when the long trick's over.
So thats it, I think I am a sap for loving such things, but I'm glad I have that poem again, I've always remembered parts, and now I have the whole. I want the vagrant gypsy life a bit too much I think. We is what we is.
I'm too practical
So apparently Julie and I are not gonna talk for a while. This message became glaringly clear yesterday when I recieved a piece of mail from her. It was a simple note attached to a four pass I had given her, saying I probably can't use this so you should share it with someone else, Have a good thanksgiving. It was sent via the US postal service. I guess that is a pretty clear piece of communication. I'm not sure what I was expecting as far as our relationship, post coupledom, but I had at least hoped we would be pals. One of my friends said that if I care about Julie than I shouldn't talk to her until after Christmas. So whatever. I guess I have to aceept this as the consequences of my actions. The flippin USPS. Anyway I digress. I just think it is a shame we cannot even speak a sentence to each other. But all in all I do want whatever is best for her, because I think I have probably hurt her enough for one man. Thus I'll drift quietly out of her life, or whatever and hope that one day we can be pals. So I think I am too pratical because I actually believe we should be able to be friends, or at least cordial acquaintances in spite of our past. SO I'll squash that, and quote the words that frustrated me yesterday, when a friend told me what they had told my former pal Julie, "You don't cut your arm off with a butter knife, thats too painful, you have to chop it off at once." Geez I need to quit being so pissed.
I bought Talib Kweli-- The Beautiful Struggle, yesterday and I really dig it. He is a rapper that actually says something. He's not rapping for hos or money, but rather to preach. I like that. I'm wrestling with a thought about him though. He cusses a lot. I usually dismiss most people who use a lot of profanity as inarticulate and probably unintelligent, however with him it is different. I think he is pretty articulate, and intelligent. It got me thinking he uses these words because they are his words. He is from the streets of New York, and I can't help but wonder does he speak this way for the same reason I say something is money when it is good. SO no doubt about it I am attempting to rationalize why I should let my mind consume his language, but this has just left me thinking. He talks about God a lot. Not in the same way Tupac would talk about God after killing someone. He talks about God like he knows him and talks to him. Maybe I'm a sucker. Probably I am a sucker.
I bought Talib Kweli-- The Beautiful Struggle, yesterday and I really dig it. He is a rapper that actually says something. He's not rapping for hos or money, but rather to preach. I like that. I'm wrestling with a thought about him though. He cusses a lot. I usually dismiss most people who use a lot of profanity as inarticulate and probably unintelligent, however with him it is different. I think he is pretty articulate, and intelligent. It got me thinking he uses these words because they are his words. He is from the streets of New York, and I can't help but wonder does he speak this way for the same reason I say something is money when it is good. SO no doubt about it I am attempting to rationalize why I should let my mind consume his language, but this has just left me thinking. He talks about God a lot. Not in the same way Tupac would talk about God after killing someone. He talks about God like he knows him and talks to him. Maybe I'm a sucker. Probably I am a sucker.
Tuesday, November 22, 2005
girl stuff
So on Saturday, Nov. 19, Julie and I broke up. Its hard for me to process this all really, and quite frankly I'm tired of talking to people about it. Everyone wants to know whats going on, and its hard for me to verbalize. The long and the short of it is this--At one point I thought this was it, and recently(2 months) I have thought otherwise. I can't really explain all of the things that have led to our relationship chilling, except it didn't feel right. At times I think I am too much the hopeless romantic to be able to successfully judge whether or not my reality is what it should be. I know I hurt her. For that I feel a lot of sorrow. Of course, it was never my intent but as mom always said, "The road to hell is paved with good intentions." Nevertheless in the days since the break up I have felt like this is still th eright move. I've wanted to call her, but figure I should just leave her for now. She went home for Thanksgiving to be with family. I think if I call right now it will do more harm than good. I feel like a heel everytime I think about this situation.
I do not know why I am so reluctant to believe that our relationship was right, and I'm so tired of all of the people around me's cliches about love and stuff. Everyone has something to say, but I've determined that nothing is normative in this regard, therefore the idea that what works for someone else might work for me, is foolish. I think we are all too different for that. Maybe I'm too young. I thought it would be good and healthy for me to blog about all this, so as to verbalize some stuff and capture the emotion of this moment, however the emotion is---numb. I don't even know if numb is an emotion. I know I hate doing this to girls. I had coffee with a friend this morning who seemed to be trying to convince me that I was supposed to be with Julie. I think I was defensive about that for some reason. Is it pride or truth? Anyway I'll come back when I am further removed from the situation.
Last night I met with an ordination council and it was fun. It was a room of guys I love and respect letting me answer questions of theology and fun stuff like that. It is nice being forced to weigh in on things like that from time to time I think. The men involved were: Brad Gilliland, Kelly Wheat, Jim "The Miz" Mislowski, Jim McCormick, Andy Stuart, Alan Karr, and Dave Karr. It was such a blessing to be a part of the event and a real confimation that GOd wants to use me in this capacity. I feel like I am spent right now so I will stop to read the Word.
I do not know why I am so reluctant to believe that our relationship was right, and I'm so tired of all of the people around me's cliches about love and stuff. Everyone has something to say, but I've determined that nothing is normative in this regard, therefore the idea that what works for someone else might work for me, is foolish. I think we are all too different for that. Maybe I'm too young. I thought it would be good and healthy for me to blog about all this, so as to verbalize some stuff and capture the emotion of this moment, however the emotion is---numb. I don't even know if numb is an emotion. I know I hate doing this to girls. I had coffee with a friend this morning who seemed to be trying to convince me that I was supposed to be with Julie. I think I was defensive about that for some reason. Is it pride or truth? Anyway I'll come back when I am further removed from the situation.
Last night I met with an ordination council and it was fun. It was a room of guys I love and respect letting me answer questions of theology and fun stuff like that. It is nice being forced to weigh in on things like that from time to time I think. The men involved were: Brad Gilliland, Kelly Wheat, Jim "The Miz" Mislowski, Jim McCormick, Andy Stuart, Alan Karr, and Dave Karr. It was such a blessing to be a part of the event and a real confimation that GOd wants to use me in this capacity. I feel like I am spent right now so I will stop to read the Word.
Thursday, November 17, 2005
In the words of Hootie...
So yet another week is here, and I again am left scratching my head in regards to what I need to say.
IN the words of Hootie and the BFish--"Ti--ii--ime why do you punish me?"
It seems like lately life is moving so quickly. I think the structured nature of my week, (IE-MOnday 6:30-7:30 mtg, 8:30-10:30 mtg, 11:00-12:30 travel to sem, 1-6 class, 6:30-9:30 class, and so on), helps it move along at an extremely quick pace. It feels like the week only lasts 3 days. I can remember when I was younger how summer felt like forever and most of the time I think it was because as a kid in the summer there was little more than eating PBJ by the pool and doing yardwork with mom. I guess the question I am asking in a very convaluted way is: Does our schedule and activity make our life's pace seem faster than it should be? I know the speed of life does not change (perhaps infinitesimally other course of thousands of years), based on revolutions and rotation of the earth and what not, but I wonder if we can decide how we will live that time and thereby control how fleeting or sluggish it feels?
A friend of mine named Jerry who is in his fifties said that the last 20 years of his life felt like 2 weeks. This made me want to shoot myself in the face. I am not afraid to die. Matter of fact, most days I think being with Christ is something I long for far more than getting out of bed. I'm not depressed I just understand whats better. That said, I do think that if God wants me to live in this place for seventy years, I am in no rush to be 50. I wonder if there something I can do to savor this short time that we have. Geez this circular thought that is doing nothing more than stealing the time I have. Perhaps I should just heed the words of Mason Jennings and, "live in the moment with these friends of mine." This is why I like and dislike this online journaling bit. It will be fun seeing where I was in the future, but right now reading it makes me want to puke.
out.
IN the words of Hootie and the BFish--"Ti--ii--ime why do you punish me?"
It seems like lately life is moving so quickly. I think the structured nature of my week, (IE-MOnday 6:30-7:30 mtg, 8:30-10:30 mtg, 11:00-12:30 travel to sem, 1-6 class, 6:30-9:30 class, and so on), helps it move along at an extremely quick pace. It feels like the week only lasts 3 days. I can remember when I was younger how summer felt like forever and most of the time I think it was because as a kid in the summer there was little more than eating PBJ by the pool and doing yardwork with mom. I guess the question I am asking in a very convaluted way is: Does our schedule and activity make our life's pace seem faster than it should be? I know the speed of life does not change (perhaps infinitesimally other course of thousands of years), based on revolutions and rotation of the earth and what not, but I wonder if we can decide how we will live that time and thereby control how fleeting or sluggish it feels?
A friend of mine named Jerry who is in his fifties said that the last 20 years of his life felt like 2 weeks. This made me want to shoot myself in the face. I am not afraid to die. Matter of fact, most days I think being with Christ is something I long for far more than getting out of bed. I'm not depressed I just understand whats better. That said, I do think that if God wants me to live in this place for seventy years, I am in no rush to be 50. I wonder if there something I can do to savor this short time that we have. Geez this circular thought that is doing nothing more than stealing the time I have. Perhaps I should just heed the words of Mason Jennings and, "live in the moment with these friends of mine." This is why I like and dislike this online journaling bit. It will be fun seeing where I was in the future, but right now reading it makes me want to puke.
out.
Tuesday, November 08, 2005
one mo gan
So as I sit here, I am frustrated that I did not spend some time typing last week. I had several ideas I meant to capture, but because I did not type them, I am at a loss. I want to post so rather than post anything of substance, I will post about my lack of such substance. Nevertheless here are a few things I want to remember:
Sat., Nov. 5, Miami dismantled Va. Tech, 27-7. It was beautiful.
Thurs., Nov.3, Julie and I had a convo about the state of our relationship and arrived at the conclusion that we were not both in the same place, but nevertheless we would try to continue as usual and figure it out as we go along.
Wed., Nov.2, bought, started, and am enjoying a new book by Chuck Klosterman: sex, Drugs, and cocoa Puffs. It is a book of essays about stuff and is hilarious. However I think his ideas effect me perhaps more than they should. HIs essays on fake love(title has something to do with emo) and the sims were hilarious and insightful.
Tues., Nov.1, attended a collegiate church planting summit and wondered why we find formulas so comforting and appealing. Are we lazy? Are we greedy? Are we cowards? Am I melodramatic?yes.
MOn., Oct. 31, thought of a Beastie Boys line, "October 31st is my day of the birth." Mike D. This is singlehandedly one of the most powerful musical quotes I have heard, and it has shaped me, that is all I can say. Found out I aced my Greek Midterm...what, what!
Alright so an exciting life worth typing about in a nutshell. I feel cliche as I blog, but...
Sat., Nov. 5, Miami dismantled Va. Tech, 27-7. It was beautiful.
Thurs., Nov.3, Julie and I had a convo about the state of our relationship and arrived at the conclusion that we were not both in the same place, but nevertheless we would try to continue as usual and figure it out as we go along.
Wed., Nov.2, bought, started, and am enjoying a new book by Chuck Klosterman: sex, Drugs, and cocoa Puffs. It is a book of essays about stuff and is hilarious. However I think his ideas effect me perhaps more than they should. HIs essays on fake love(title has something to do with emo) and the sims were hilarious and insightful.
Tues., Nov.1, attended a collegiate church planting summit and wondered why we find formulas so comforting and appealing. Are we lazy? Are we greedy? Are we cowards? Am I melodramatic?yes.
MOn., Oct. 31, thought of a Beastie Boys line, "October 31st is my day of the birth." Mike D. This is singlehandedly one of the most powerful musical quotes I have heard, and it has shaped me, that is all I can say. Found out I aced my Greek Midterm...what, what!
Alright so an exciting life worth typing about in a nutshell. I feel cliche as I blog, but...
Tuesday, October 25, 2005
Worship Thoughts
So I was listening to this sermon last night on my ipod. The guy sharing said something that I think is beautiful. He was talking specifically about how the church needs to make sure we don't limit the way we worship to just one thing. He gave this story:
There was this ballet dancer and she was really good. She danced and did so beautifully. After her performance several of the people in attendance went to her to congratulate her on her great show. As they did, one guy came up to her and told her what a wonderful job she did. He continued and said, "I really enjoyed the dance, however I do not watch a lot of ballets and was wondering if you could tell me exactly what the dance means?" The dancer responded with this statement, "If I could tell you with words, than I would not have had to dance it."
Okay so this may seem a bit cheesy, but I thought it was a cool reason why art should have a place in our worship of God. To believe that we can properly articulate our worship of God through prayer, the study of his word, and song alone is making little of the nature and character of God. I think as long as God is making humans different, there will be as many ways to worhsip him. We should always be careful not to confine ourselves to one set of ideas and call it worship. I think this story shows why we should be sure to make our worship a fluid and multi-faceted representation of the character of our God. Nevertheless these are just some ramblings, but I wanted to write these thoughts before I forgot them. I have currently been given the freedom at my church to develop an additional worhsip service so that we as a body can explore these ideas. My prayer is that God will lead us in the direction he would have us go, and that he would allow this to a place of great freedom.
There was this ballet dancer and she was really good. She danced and did so beautifully. After her performance several of the people in attendance went to her to congratulate her on her great show. As they did, one guy came up to her and told her what a wonderful job she did. He continued and said, "I really enjoyed the dance, however I do not watch a lot of ballets and was wondering if you could tell me exactly what the dance means?" The dancer responded with this statement, "If I could tell you with words, than I would not have had to dance it."
Okay so this may seem a bit cheesy, but I thought it was a cool reason why art should have a place in our worship of God. To believe that we can properly articulate our worship of God through prayer, the study of his word, and song alone is making little of the nature and character of God. I think as long as God is making humans different, there will be as many ways to worhsip him. We should always be careful not to confine ourselves to one set of ideas and call it worship. I think this story shows why we should be sure to make our worship a fluid and multi-faceted representation of the character of our God. Nevertheless these are just some ramblings, but I wanted to write these thoughts before I forgot them. I have currently been given the freedom at my church to develop an additional worhsip service so that we as a body can explore these ideas. My prayer is that God will lead us in the direction he would have us go, and that he would allow this to a place of great freedom.
Thursday, October 13, 2005
Leaving
I just read this quote:
"Everybody has to leave, everybody has to leave their home and come back so they can love it again for all new reasons."
In my experience, this is an accurate statement. I never loved home until it wasn't mine anymore. In the words of James Hetfield, "You know its sad but true--oo." Nevertheless I didn't have much to say but wanted to record that quote.
"Everybody has to leave, everybody has to leave their home and come back so they can love it again for all new reasons."
In my experience, this is an accurate statement. I never loved home until it wasn't mine anymore. In the words of James Hetfield, "You know its sad but true--oo." Nevertheless I didn't have much to say but wanted to record that quote.
Tuesday, October 11, 2005
Cash
So I've recently been going through a hardcore honky tonk phase where I've been listening to mostly old-school country, namely: Willie, Waylon, Hank Jr. (borderline white trash, rather than country), and Johnny Cash. I was bale to pick up Johnny Cash's autobiography in a used book store a couple weeks back and have been creeping my way thorugh it. This is his quote about country music:
"I was talking with a friend of mine about this the other day; that country life as I knew it might really be thing of the past and when music people today, performers and fans alike, talk about being "country" they don't mean they know or even care about the land and the life it sustains and regulates. They're talking more about choices-- a way to look, a group to belong to, a kind of music to call their own. Which begs a question: Is there behind the symbols of modern country, or are the symbols themselves the whole story? Are the hats, the boots, the pick-up trucks, and the honky-tonking poses all thats left of a disentegrating culture? Back in Arkansas a way of life produced a certain kind of music. Does a certain kind of music now produce a way of life? Maybe thats OK. I don't know. Perhaps I'm just alienated, feeling the cold wind of exclusion blowing my way. The "country" music establishment, including "country" radio and the "country" music association, does after all seemed to have decided that whatever "country" music is, some of us aren't."
So I'm going to try really hard not to become a complete geek about all this, but I thought it was a cool quote. I'm just now getting into country music, I guess over the past 2 years, and I do know that there is a depth and honesty to a lot of the old guys that I don't hear in dudes like Tim McGraw, but to be honest I don't give most of the young country guys a chance if they can't play a guitar. Anyway I digress, I just thought it was a cool quote from a cool guy. I think music might be taking over my soul. I always frame what I am doing in terms of song or quote it seems, I wonder if that is bad. Alright so this is entirely too long.
"I was talking with a friend of mine about this the other day; that country life as I knew it might really be thing of the past and when music people today, performers and fans alike, talk about being "country" they don't mean they know or even care about the land and the life it sustains and regulates. They're talking more about choices-- a way to look, a group to belong to, a kind of music to call their own. Which begs a question: Is there behind the symbols of modern country, or are the symbols themselves the whole story? Are the hats, the boots, the pick-up trucks, and the honky-tonking poses all thats left of a disentegrating culture? Back in Arkansas a way of life produced a certain kind of music. Does a certain kind of music now produce a way of life? Maybe thats OK. I don't know. Perhaps I'm just alienated, feeling the cold wind of exclusion blowing my way. The "country" music establishment, including "country" radio and the "country" music association, does after all seemed to have decided that whatever "country" music is, some of us aren't."
So I'm going to try really hard not to become a complete geek about all this, but I thought it was a cool quote. I'm just now getting into country music, I guess over the past 2 years, and I do know that there is a depth and honesty to a lot of the old guys that I don't hear in dudes like Tim McGraw, but to be honest I don't give most of the young country guys a chance if they can't play a guitar. Anyway I digress, I just thought it was a cool quote from a cool guy. I think music might be taking over my soul. I always frame what I am doing in terms of song or quote it seems, I wonder if that is bad. Alright so this is entirely too long.
Wednesday, October 05, 2005
X
Last night I saw the movie American History X. Rock. It was powerful, beautiful, and grotesque. It is about hate, and how it accomplishes nothing. I am tempted to insert a sweet hippy statement here, but I relent. Nevertheless it is a beautiful portrait of how broke we are, but how we all realize evil corrupts, and satisfies only for a time, but in the end is left wanting. 2 enthusiastic thumbs up. Also sweet: Lord of War. Saw it last week. It is another portrait of how broke we are as humans, and how we are in need of rescue.
Tuesday, October 04, 2005
life
Its been a while since I blogged so here it goes: My life is fun. I live with 2 cool dudes and we have a dog. There is something really cool about having a dog. I can't really articulate what is so cool about indy, our dog. Nevertheless I have a great girlfriend that I don't deserve and don't treat well at all. I think I am an emotional wreck for anyone to have to deal with so most of the time I take up an unhealthy amount of time in our relationship dealing with myself. Boy I am glad I am making this public to the 2 people that read this blog, but whatever. Confession is good for the soul. Nevertheless I've decided I am definitely melodramatic about most things in my life. I guess people my age all feel like our lives are so differnt from each other and thus we should talk about all the crap that is going on, but it seems to me that is the definition of normalcy. Geez I'm rambling. I suck at blogging, nevertheless I am gonna try to do this once a week for my friend Loren, and others, who might have time to read this garbage.
PS- The cold weather today was beautiful and refreshing. I wanted to stand outside in my bathing suit just to be cold. I am definitely sleeping with the windows open. There is something clean about the cold.
PS- The cold weather today was beautiful and refreshing. I wanted to stand outside in my bathing suit just to be cold. I am definitely sleeping with the windows open. There is something clean about the cold.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)