I think its wierd how closed into my own world I can get. It is really easy for me to get into a routine with my life, and the more into my life I get, the more things in my past fade away. For example I have been in Clinton, MS the past couple of days and been kicking it with my friends. As we drive around I have forgotten how to get around. Although I lived here for the better part of four years, things from my past seem to feel a bit like a dream more than a reality. I guess in a lot of ways I feel like so much stuff has happened in the 2 1/2 years since I left this place it is easy for me to compartmentalize that part of my life. The relationships haven't changed. Hanging with my friends is still like it used to be thankfully. However everything else feels different. I guess when I get into such a rhythm with the way my life flows in Colorado, anything different feels like an eternity away even though it has been much more brief. So anyway enough with circle speech.
It seems that somedays I do wish to be back here at MC in college in the dorms with my buddies close by, but now I've realized all I miss are relationships and memories. College itself was merely a vehicle for those two things. Moving back home, or being back in school are not the answers, its simply hanging onto and growing the relationships I have. I feel like crap for not talking to my friends more. I can see how it is hard for people to hear me say they are dear to me, and then ignore them for a couple of months. It is true, but I realize, especially after being with them, that the best thing I can do if they are dear to me, is love them with a lot of action as well, if nfor no other reason than to serve them as my pals. I am so blessed to have shared life with so many wonderful people. Last night I played touch football in the quad of MC with 3 pals until 1 in the morning. THAT is beautiful. They are all so good to me.
This is far more sappy than I intended and I know some of them are gonna read this, so at the risk of being a huge dork I will stop. Much love if any of you are reading this.
On a lighter note as my friend and former live in life partner Jason played Pearl Jam songs on the guitar last night I realized how much I freaking love them. I think I could still play any of their CD's and listen all the way through and love every minute of it just like I could in ninth grade. I think that is why I dig them and will fight with anyone and say unashamedly that they are the best and most important band of my generation. They have shaped the way I listen to rock and roll, and probable are one of the reasons I love it so much. This post is getting monotonous and I am wearing myself out, so I can't even imagine what it is like for some who may read this garbage.
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