whoa

in the words of Frank Costanza, "I'm back baby!"

Today...a continuation of yesterday

What a ridiculously pathetic melodramatic title of this post. I titled it that way because there was something I wanted to rant about in my post about yesterday that i forgot so decided to try and succintly state it here. I was bothered that we had to be introduced to creative methods. Bothered, not in the sense that I thought it was wrong, but in the sense that we have taken so many cues from the corporate and educational world that our teaching has become programmatic and dull. It seems we have exchanged eccentricity for efficiency. It is particularly frustratig because if anyone or group should be expressing things in mediums other than words because of its grandeur and beauty it should be those that feel like their life has great purpose and value. Instead we have often relegated art to an accessory to worship rather than making it a means. I'm glad we are being taught new ways to bring it back. I just think it is a shame that we have left out so many talented people for so long. There are many days when I think the artist's heart is the only way to understand salvation, atonement, theology, and I wsh I had more of one.

With the second paragraph of this post I wanted to encourage my classmates who taught today by giving them some eedback about their teaching section, even if they never see this. Lee-Your teaching was engaging, I felt like I could listen to you teach all day. You really have a gift for communicating truth in a way that is easy to listen to and clear. Patty- I thought your dramatic telling of the stories of Rahab and Gomer were really creative and well done. James K- I appreciated the way you used discussion to engage each one of use and ask questions the whole time. Your questions kept us in it with you. Jimmy- The senses game worked really well with your story and was a great way to give them an activity with the teaching. Mike- I like that you chose an extremely relevant and foundational topic, and handled t succinctly and clearly. David from OC- It was clear that you work with kids and are gifted in this area. It was sweet to see you in your groove. Gary- Your passion for your people and church are clear and come through in all that you communicated. I'm glad you're doing what you are, is sweet. Brody- Not only were you hilarious and direct, it is clear you care about the people you serve in ministry and that is sweet. Ed- I'm glad you shared salvation. Believers and unbelievers alike can't hear the message enough. James A- It was clear from your style that you are comfortable teaching and a nturally, it was great watching you do it. David F- You gave us so much good stuff. I felt like you could have done a month on that topic. Tim- Thanks for a great class, you're a great teacher and practiced everything you taught. I was looking out for that and you were committed in word and deed. And thanks for wanting to get to know us individually. I'd love to take another class from you in the future if our paths ever crossed.

Friday's class

I was really encouraged by our discussion on Friday regarding creative methods we can use in our teaching. Compiling a list of ideas to have in one place of creative methods and elements was a really great idea. The young adult worship service I used to lead incorporated creative methods every week, and rather than consistently listing these and updating the response and positives and negatives, I simply moved on each week to the next idea. Yesterdays discussion helped me to consider the power of listing these ideas to maintain them, as well as taking myself through an evaluation method of their effectiveness, strengths, and weaknesses. I've decided to add to the list of 28 ideas we were given yesterday. One of the ideas I want to post here that was especialy cool for everyone involved and that any of my classmates leading churches may want to use is: We had a couple of very talented artists in our group and so one week when we were teaching on the power of redemption, we decided to use their talents. We had a few colors of paint, a paintbrush, and a large blank canvas. Everyone in the group was allowed to place a mark anywhere, and any shape on the canvas. When they were finished we gave the canvas to our artist and proceded to engage in other activites for the next 40 minutes. The artist then wove all of these stray marks into a beautiful picture. At the end of the nght the picture was displayed and we had a visible reminder of the truth we were just studying, that God can make the mistakes of our life beautiful through Jesus. We were able to hang that picture in our meeting space and it was always a reminder that our lives are a masterpiece made from all of the mistakes being redeemed.

This is the portion of the blog where I post webstes that fuel me creatively or are great Christian websites to explore and learn. these are the most common websites I use and why I like them. By the way, I dont really use a lot. Most ideas I have come from art, literature, or music. Guess I could've just said art.
1. desiringgod.org- John Piper's webste- a wealth for solid Biblical preaching, and tons of free tools.
2. thebricktestament.com- this is a website done by a guy who is not a believer and antagonistic toward God. He illustrates the Bible using legos. it is a great way to understand how someone outside the Church interprets the Bible when they read it and are frustrated with God. He is extremely creative, and it is really well done.
3. explodingdog.com- just some art a guy makes when people e-mail him random phrases. I really like it and enjoy the work he does.

Thats about it. As I said I don't really stay connected to a ton of websites. I listen to Piper's podcast, Mars Hill Bible Church's, and This American Life. I find these all very engaging. I try to be exposed to alternate viewpoints and ideas often, that is probably the most fueling impetus for me creatively.

learning tension

This may come off more as a diatribe than a response to class, so for that I apologize. Today we asked the question in class If we all agree that spiritual growth is good, then why do we see so many people plateau in their spiritual lives, never achieving what we hope for them? We put forth many ideas ranging from control, to the learners aren't taking responsibility, poor communication, and poor implementation. I agree with nearly all of the suppositions we put forth, however all of these solutions led me to one overarching question: IF WE ARE NOT CREATING DISCIPLES THEN WHAT THE HECK ARE WE AND ARE WE DOING? In my understanding of the body of X, its function is to be his ambassadors in this place. We remain after salvation to tell the story, and be ministers of reconciliation between the world and God. Therefore if we have ceased to reconcile men to God, and ceased to help believers realize their role as ambassadors of reconciliation, what is it we "believe" and what is it we are? Can we divorce our identity as the Church from the function of the Church. I have a difficulty in finding peace that we are churches when we do not achieve this goal. All of this said I do not want to pile on to churches without saying I am the problem, and hope to be a part of the solution. I think Christian Education does play a role in th eprocess of helping people both inside and outside the Church realize this end, but it must pervade all of our music, corporate worship, literature, awareness. If we ever teach about strong families, it must be connected to the overarching goal of helping people realize that God is reaching out through families to bring reconciliation between them and himself.

This is getting long, so I'll wrap it up. I'm not sure how to change the tide, but I have some ideas. First, I think pastors need to let go. If we are afraid that anyone in our congregation will someday pass us in holiness, wisdom, service, sacrifice, or spirituality go into the sales business. Free market capitalism is all about this mentality and one with this perspective would do well there. As pastors we must always hope that everyone in our congregation will not need us and teach us one day, hopefully tomorrow. If pastoring is ever about a paycheck primarily we will compromise our hearts, and our hearts must rest in the hands of X. What faith has faith in a check being cashed but not in God honoring obedience. Let us never forget that Foxes have holes...but the son of man has no place to lay hs head. This is a full on rant. This was not my intention. One of the other ideas we spoke about in class, I think is extremely important. I think for a church to develop a scope of what matters and a sequence of how it will be shared over time is extremely significant. People have to know we are committed to something and heading somewhere to accomplish that end. We must be about something, we must articulate it with words and action, if not lets close the doors, sell the property and give the members a share of the dividends because we are obviously a lot mor elike a corporation than the kingdom of God. I'm a jerk, and need some water.

Paradigm Shift

One of the more compelling ideas we discussed in class today was a discussion of shifting our teaching paradigm. The question I kept asking was How far am I and How much work will I invest in helping more people move truth into reali life? There is a significant difference between telling facts, as a teacher, and guiding meaning. A telling style presupposes that if people have the right information they'll make the right decisions. A lot of experience in my ife confirms that this is inaccurate. Hendrick's asked this same question, how can we as the Church have the words of life in the Bible and yet so often people seem more drab than the world outside. I believe it is chiefly because we have not made this shift.

The committment that this shift requires is arduous and I think that is perhaps one of the reasons we are so lax in approaching it. If we, as teachers, never really think ourselves but simply digest facts and then regurgitate them than all we must do to prepare is input knowledge. However being a guid and not a teller, means we are not speaking into people's lives from above but rather we have experienced the very things we are advocating and we tell and point to them, as we walk along side. Sometimes I wonder if the reason we maintain a consistent behavior of telling instead of guiding is a bit of pride. I think we enjoy being the information gatekeepers sometimes more than walking side by side with people. It is a refreshign thing to consider. I know that my teaching too often reflects telling info, more than guiding meaning. I've got a lot to learn.

resurrected

I'm gonna start writing again, I'm not dead, I'm getting married and in Washington. My head is full of thoughts and they need a place to live, forgive my absence blogging friends.

Old Song, still listening

Not the land--Caedmon's Call

So many miles behind
Still I drive with the pedal down
I was off the map hours back
It's beneath the seat, I think
It's with two pennies and a match
And something else, I can't remember
But in the time that it would take to fish it out
I'll be another mile gone
And I feel so wrong
Trying to feel right
In light of all the things I've passed
You'd think that I'd have learned

This is not the land was promised me
Even as far as my eyes can see
I'm so wound up, Lord, I can't even breathe
And I don't want words, I just want some peace
Some peace, some peace

It seems I've misplaced my faith
'Cause it's 11:12, and nothing's changed
Well, nothing except the channel I'm afraid
And the number there
No, it's the same
Oh, this must be the savior of the month
And what I must have
Where's the night gone?
'Cause I'm so tired and out of shape
You've gotta get me up
But I can't get up today
'Cause it's been so long
Since I've felt right
All the rote, rehearsal, proof
You'd think that I'd have learned

This is not the land was promised me
Even as far as my eyes can see
I'm so wound up, Lord, I can't even breathe
And I don't want words, I just want some peace
Some peace, some peace

Break me, break me, break me
This is not the land was promised me
Gotta get out of bed, get something to read
And I gotta feed my brother, not my eyes
If not, then I'll be all I despise

this morning

so I've been reading through the book of Acts lately and this morning I was blown away by the faith of the apostles. They did not shrink back from fear as they were time and time again told to not speak in Jesus's name. They never seemed to view discomfort as frustrating but rather like breathing. They never seemed to rejoice to long in freedom and release but rather seemed to move on to the next place to preach and share. It is staggering how different my life looks. I view comfort and security as a symbol of God's favor on my life, and view pain and discomfort as judgment. How interesting it is that that doesn't even seem to be in the conciousness of the early church, and furthermore if it is it seems to be reversed, as they rejoiced when they were counted worthy to suffer for the Name.

As I sat behind my big wood desk this morning inside of our church building I felt disgusted. Disgusted at what I my faith has become. My faith is a vehicle to occupation, my faith is a vehicle to programming morality, my faith is an ideology. My faith most often is not a belief in Jesus who is the Christ, the son of God. Faith for me means a whole myriad of things, and most of them seem systemic, rather than transformational and real. I long to be able to think of Christ and let that pervade all I do, I am so restless with turning Jesus into things, instead of letting him be what he is and letting that capture and enrapture me. Andrew, the apostle and Peter's brother said this as he was about to die by execution:

"O cross, most welcome and long looked for! With a willing mind, I joyfully come to you, being the disciple of Him who hung on you...The nearer I come to the cross, the nearer I come to God; and the farther I am from the cross, the farther I remain from God."

For three days he hung on the cross and as long as he could move his tongue said this, "Remain steadfast in the word and doctrine which you have recieved, instructing one another, that you may dwell with God in eternity, and recieve the fruit of his promises."

As I have thought on the promises of his word and the fruit, it is this to be with Christ. Heaven for me wil lnever be streets of gold and the crystal sea, but rather to look long into the eyes of Christ, to hold onto to him and not let go, and to bow before the long hoped for savior of my life. I'm so sick of believing in something so much smaller than the God of the Bible. I'm so sick of wasting much of my life trying to figure out how to entertain people or how to keep this machine going. I long to live. I long to believe and give God the room to show me that he is true. That his word spoke correctly of him, that I really can believe he is bigger than the genie in the bottle, angry judge, kind social worker I make him out to be. Forgive me if I sound brash. What if I believed? What if I really believed it was all true? What if I lived? Am I like Caiaphas who believed in preserving the political stroke and vitality of a nation under Rome he was saving Israel? Sometimes I think of his words of Israel in John 11 as the way I think of the church. I think that sometimes the prosperity and security that has been given to the church here in America is omething I feel like I need to participate in and protect. Sometimes I think I do this because I believe that is salvation, when it seems very clear that the disciples didn't freak out about saving the church when it was scattered for persecution, but rather they just kept going. Sometimes I am frustrated with the wasy I have chosen favor and security over obedience to the voice inside of me. Acts 5; people believed in CHrist not because of the strength of the church but rather because of the way people believed and saw God working. that is strength. tnak you for your mercy father and the gentle way you teach. Forgive my disbelief, and as the official once spoke I believe help my unbelief.

ramble on...

The past year I've been thinking about leadership alot. It is a powerful thing. To quote from Remember the titans, "attitude reflect leadership." I think this is very clear. Often times a leader makes an organization into their own image whether conciously or unconciously. For whatever reason there are always people who wish to follow regardless of where they find themselves. It seems that at times leaders are given credibility simply by nature of position or personality rather than connecting with people. People connect with them. SO I know this all really ambiguous, but I guess I'm just trying to articulate the idea that Leadership is important, and its impact on an organization is great whether it chooses to make an impact or not. There is no idle time for leadership. If a leader chooses to do nothing, then they are actually doing something to the organization that they are serving. This has made me A) recognize how amazing the leadership of CHrist was--constantly doing what was perhaps unexpected but never being inconsistent; and B)understand the responsibility of leading. If one is given leadership we do not have the option of doing nothing, because whether we desire it or not people will follow our lead.

SOme other stuff in the light years since my last post. Sarah and I are still dating, and it is a ton of fun. Tonight we're gonna see Death Cab at the Fillmore. I quit my job, and am taking a simple church planting job to the ski peeps in summit county colorado. It was way time for me to go, and God gave me a disticnt call to go. Perhaps in future posts I'll reflect more on the lessons learned in the last year of ministry and my experiences at ICC. At this time I think it is important for there to be a bit more distance. All in all my life is in an exciting transition phase. Its all adventure, I never know where its gonna go, please pray for me as I go. There are still mor eunknowns about where I am heading than knows. Nevertheless God has already shown himself to be more than faithful in caring for my needs. Like the Irish proverb, "may the road rise to meet you, may the wind always be at your back, and may God hold you in the palm of his hand." I feel that. Where could I go from your presence? He is always benevolent and working, I pray for eyes to see and a heart to believe.

entertainment

Today I was talking to a friend and he was telling me about a friend of his who has opted to bartend instead of pursuing a teaching career because she could make alot more money tending bar. It made me really consider how much we love entertainment. Maybe this is a clue why we are content to channel surf without ever being entertained instead of reading a book or doing something active. words, like pockets, are hard. I'm not as sad as this post sounds.

on a lighter note, I picked ryan howard to win the home run derby last night and he did. He is a freak, cecil fielder with a batting average; he'll be a monster before its all over. I'm picking the national league to win the allstar game tonight because I'm a homer like that. Brian Fuentes will have four saves and Matt Holliday will hit 10 homers in 3 ab's.

I'm also realizing that life is interesting, and I think sometimes we have to be really brave not to just peace out.

green

I'm from Mississippi, and at times I feel this more than others. Today is one of those days. This afternoon I was reading in my room. I live on the 2nd floor at my house and I have 2 large windows that I like to open most days. Neighborhoods in Colorado are ridiculous. Most houses sit on an eighth of an acre, thus if you have more than that you are practically a farmer. My window's view made me laugh today. When both windows are open the main view I have is the side of the house next door and then the backs of all of the other houses that open onto a beautiful 35ft. x 60ft. green belt. Every one of the houses have a back yard, backyards that are a lot larger than the front yards. My back yard is particularly nice, because my roomates recently put down new sod which looks like carpet, but nevertheless we all have tiny backyards so we should be particularly excited about our greenbelt. I'm kind of freaked out about that. It makes me think that maybe we have all decided to accept things that shouldn't be accepted. People in Colorado are nuts about conserving the environment. Some people care more about the treatment of the environment than the people next door. I'm not their judge, just saying. That being said, it blows my mind that most of those eco-friendly bumper sticker having people return gladly everyday to their tiny-yard subdivisions. Perhaps there behavior is based upon driving home everyday to see what was at one point green stuff, but this doesn't really seem to be the case. I love all of the parks in Fort Collins. Ever since I've lived here I've loved how our city is full of parks, and I wondered why there aren't more back in MS. Now its hit me, we have parks because we have no grass of our own. When did we decide to be satisifed with so little.

I'm not trying to hug some trees, just saying how bizarre it is that we work and toil for progress, and it seems that progress just erodes the very things and space we want to use on our vacations from working for progress. Besides is working for progress anything other than a circle.

So last week I went surfing in Southern California and heard the words of Ecclesiastes on a surfboard. I guess I'm just saying people matter, little else does. As I survey the plot of grass the HOA of my neighborhood has so graciously given me I wrestle with restlessness over being pinned in by progress. I miss oak trees and seeing places without houses. As I think about the circle of keeping up and acquiring I wonder, "What is worth my time?" This question haunts me. I've been listening to too much Cat Stevens I think. Either way I just think its important to think about where to put my life.

tasty

Earlier tonight I was hungry. Hungry and unmotivated. I wanted to eat. I wanted to eat something tasty, however I was having a problem getting really excited about eating because I ultimately understood that I'd be hungry again. I was frustrated with my body that it couldn't savor the food for longer than it does. I like to eat. All of this got me thinking about God. I was thinking about how our bodies are created to need food for fuel at every moment, and we always need to be seeking out more food. I was thinking about how our souls are similar. I think it is really interesting how we place so much emphasis on accepting Christ, when the reality is that is the birth, you know. I think the best analogy we should transmit to people is the idea of food. Entering into a relationship with God is agreeing to eat. It is realizing that he is sustenance and something we should continue to pursue all the time, not because we want to but because we need it to live. I like thinking about God like this. It makes a lot more sense to me and helps me remember that the "accepting" is almost irrelevant once you do it. "food for the stomach and stomach for food, but God will destroy them both," makes sense right?

San Francisco

Last week I was in Mill Valley for a class on worship. It was a great class, and most importantly a great trip. The seminary is located in a beautiful spot, with an amazing view of Alcatraz, the bay, the bay bridge, and the san francisco skyline. For some photos check out my friend Seth's blog, there is a link on the side. I'll try to recount some of the highlights of last week.

1-- Tuesday morning I arrive and walk a mile or so from the bus stop to campus with a skateboard in my hand and backpack on my back. As I walk I hear birds, and smell the water. Never realize how much I miss the smell of water and humidity until I'm back around it.

2--I arrive at Joe's house around 10:00 and get to talk to him about the loss of his son. It is sad, and hopeful to listen to Joe talk about what it was like to lose his child. He is doing well, but it is definitely what pervades all his thoughts and conversation. He ha sbeen hurt by too many people trying to explain it instead of just telling him, I love you and I care. I pray that people continue to surround he and Lizette with love and support, as it is clear to me that it will take quite awhile for their pain to cease. It was cool to see picture of Elias and hear about he impact so tiny a person could make in such a short time. My friends know God in a way I do not.

3--I rendevous with a pal from college, and RMC student Seth. He was able to stay with us for a few days. That night Seth and I go grocery shopping and are mistaken for a homosexual couple. It was awkward and funny. It was a good picture of how things are a bit different out there. Not exactly a common thing in MS.

4--I enjoyed eating lunch everyday on a bench staring at the water, feeling the sunshine, and enjoying the breeze.

5--I got to eat at a sweet Peruvian restaurant in SF and enjoy the company of friends.

6--I rode my long board in the cool of the night, while listening to the 2nd disc of the newest chili peppers cd. That night was a sweet time of just being alive. I felt like all my senses were engaged and felt alive. Music is powerful. I thank God for the way he has built us to have feelings.

7--Seth and I were able to check out a sweet redwood forest, and two sweet beaches in one day. I was actually able to get in the water and taste it, that night. The night concluded with In and Out burger, so it was pretty sweet.

8--This is probably the most important thing I learned on the trip-Our hearts will always get us in trouble. It seems that often times passion leads to pain. Its not necessarily good are bad, just true I think. I tend to be a fairly passionate individual, and it seems that lately most of that has led to me being hurt in some ways,all of them extremely constructive; but still hurt. The more I live the more I realize when we give ourselves to people, you know really give ourselves to people, we will be hurt. I think that is loving. We never have to worry about being hurt, if we don't really care about anyone. If we dare to love and truly care then we get the risk and the reward that comes with it. So this was a sweet truth to be reminded of; although painful at the time. I need help being practical sometimes and incidences like this help me to settle in and be.

9--Saturday, Sarah picked me up from the airport and we spent th ewhole day together just hanging out, talking, and eating a lot. It felt like a celebration, but I'm not even sure what we were celebrating. We also attended my friend Jim's church plant and that was a great experience. His church is so warm and real. I also was able to share worship with a friend of mine who has been going through some tough life stuff. He has made some decisions tht have stern consequences, but has nevertheless been recieved by a community that has embraced him, without ok'ing his poor choices.

Life is good, and Flow last night was a touching experience of worship for me. I hope that my heart is able to get free of feeling like leading worship is a job. When that happens everything just feels so real, and like God is as close as skin. Last night it felt that way.

Home

This past weekend, Sarah and I went home to Mississippi. It was a really fun trip. We went swimming everyday except one. We were also able to take a trip to the beach and clinton, where I went to school. This trip was about several firsts: Sarah hung out in MS for the first time, we got to be the first overnight guests in Sarah Shelton and T's new home, I saw my grandfather in his Alzheimer's home, Sarah ate Edds, Kiefer's, and crawfish for the first time, we saw my buddy nick's new concert venue he is building in hattiesburg, and we saw Van and emily's new home. This was really a fun trip. Its funny how quickly life moves. So many of my friends are doing a lot of things that to me, seem really "adult." It is really a blessing to get to share this phase of life with them. I can remember when I was in college and I thought about the "settling down" part of life and how it made me feel. I used to think that the settling required giving up a lot, and namely personal freedom. It has been really cool to watch a lot of my buds start this process and disciple me into a true understanding. It does seem like they are giving up a certain degree of personal freedom, but not nearly as much as I thought. Furthermore they are all sharing life with people that enhance their freedom and days. That is beautiful and attractive. It is so cool to watch the way they are enjoying this phase of their lives. It gives me so much hope. It helps me see the beauty of all the different stages of life we find ourselves in.

When I went to see my grandfather, I got the real sense he knew me. He never said my name, but all the while he spoke to me as though I were familiar and he understood who I was. I got to take a long walk with he and my grandmother. At first I was really scared, but the more we walked the happier I was that I was with him. The whole experience has helped me know how to pray for my grandmother in new ways. I can't even imagine how hard all of this has been for her, but I think on Friday I caught a glimpse. She is a really strong and godly woman. The most beautiful part of this whole trip was when we were sitting on a couch and trying to figure out where to walk. Pawpaw said I'll go with you wherever you want to go; to which my grandmother replied, "and I will go with you wherever you go." It got me. Love. Real love. It was such a blessing to be there in that moment, no matter the pain.

This trip also helped me see some of the whack things my family does, that I don't even recognize because it such a usual part of life. I think we all can relate to irrational things our family memebers always do, but we don't even recognize because some time, long ago we realized its better to just accept than change them. Thats all well and good, until an outsider comes and participates with your family. Then you are forced to look at some the wierd quirks of the people you grew up with, and try and answer the question why. Why, is perhaps too difficult a question to answer for half of it. All in all it is kind of a fun process to have to look at your family's behavior objectively. You realize we're all kind of crazy, and because of love we will overlook behavior that is completely irrational and unproductive. This wasa fun a part of our trip.

Sunday night I was able to visit a church my friends go to. It was fun to visit a church. It was a lot of fun to worship with these guys. Their church meets in the Fondren district of Jackson and is seeking to reach college students, young pros, and families in that area of the city. They meet in a beautiful Lutheran church building. The building was really sweet. The talk got me thinking about scripture. It seems that so often when someone speaks topically they choose to interpret scripture to prove their point, rather than communicate what it is saying. I know this pastor meant well, and he didn't say anything unbiblical, but he simply did not interpret a particular passage in the manner it was written. It just reminds me how tempting that can be, but how important it is to not use scripture as validating a point, but rather really try to undderstand what the writer was saying. That being said, it was a really great experience to be with these people and share that time of worship.

In regards to my relationship with Sarah, things are a lot of fun. I'm crazy about her and learning much of us, her, and myself.

Side bar--Barry got 715, but the Rox won the game. Double victory. I also have been thinking how interesting it is that BArry has been criticized for being a terrible teamate for wanitng his space, and yet now that Roger Clemens(diva) has decidde to play he can set his demands and no one dare accuse him. Even before all of the steroid stuff with Barry people would abuse him for having his own trainer and space in the locker room. Clemens doesn't even travel with the team unless he want to, and no one dare question him as being selfish or a team guy. Just frustrating, but also a great reminder that perception matters. Reputation matters. We can be such sheep sometimes, and choose to believe whatever we want.

SF--I'm going to San Francisco for class next week and am stoked. I'm gonna try to catch a giants game at SBC. Stoked, yet another ballpark visited.

RED hot chili peppers--The new cd is money. Musically it is awesome and I like the lyrics of some of the songs. They are so unique and enduring. Only band I know besides P-funk that the baseline can carry the melody. Freaking sweet. Fave songs of the moment are desecration smile, torture me, and 21st century.

This is getting long so perhaps I should try and blog more frequently in little bursts.

As Kingfishers Catch Fire

As kingfishers catch fire, dragonflies draw flame;
As tumbled over rim in roundy wells
Stones ring; like each tucked string tells, each hung bell's
Bow swung finds tongue to fling out broad its name;
Each mortal thing does one thing and the same:
Deals out that being indoors each one dwells;
Selves -- goes itself; _myself_ it speaks and spells,
Crying _What I do is me: for that I came_.

I say more: the just man justices;
Keeps grace: that keeps all his goings graces;
Acts in God's eye what in God's eye he is --
Christ. For Christ plays in ten thousand places,
Lovely in limbs, and lovely in eyes not his
To the Father through the features of men's faces.

--Gerard Manley Hopkins

Not the aforementioned coming post.

A song I'm liking

This song is on the new Pearl jam cd and I'm digging it these days.

Marker in the sand

There is a marker,... No one sees it cause the sand
Has covered over,... All the messages it kept
Misunderstanding,... What original truth was
And out expanding,... In a faith, but not in love

What went wrong?

Walking tightrope high,... Over moral ground
Seeing visions of,............. Falling up somehow
Do come down

With the living, Let,..... What is living love
So unforgiving, yet,.... Needing forgiveness first

God, what do you say?

Those undecided,........ Needn't have faith to be free
And those misguided, There was a plan for them to be
Now you got both sides Claiming killing in Gods name
But God is nowhere,..... To be found, conveniently

What goes on?

Walking tightrope high,... Over moral ground
Seeing visions of,............. Before you burn them down
Do come round

With a living, let,...... What is living love
So unforgiving, yet... Needing forgiveness first

God, what do you say? What do you say?

There is a sickness,...... A sickness coming over me
Like watching freedom,. Being sucked straight out to sea
And the solution?,........ Well, from me far would let it be
But the delusion,.......... Is feeling dangerous to me

What goes wrong?

Walking tightrope high,... Over moral ground
Seeing visions of,............. Falling up somehow
Do come down

With a living, let,...... What is living love
So unforgiving, yet... Needing forgiveness first

God, what do you say? What do you say?

Calling out,......... Calling out.
Calling out,......... I'm calling you out.

If only the lyrics weren't so ambiguous, perhaps we could understand what he was talking about(sarcasm intended). On the real, I'll post som eother thoughts and stuff soon.

Pearl Jam and off he goes...

Tuesday the new Pearl Jam CD came out, and it rocks. It is sad, but hopeful. There is a lot of music devoted to the American victims of war and their families. At times it is very sad, but every song seems to add a glimmer of hope. It is also very rock and roll which is sweet. Right now my 2 favorite songs are Severed hand, and Come back. I really like the lyrics and quite a few songs lend themselves to wondering what Eddie thinks of God these days. All in all I really dig it, but then again I dig them all. I'm not objective. They are the best band of my lifetime.

So my pal, newbs has prompted me to think about politics for a minute so here comes some reflection. By the way his blog is irish-salsa.blogspot.com, you should check it out. He is a Republican, and aspiring politician. I really like to hear his thoughts on matters of public policy and government and what not. Nevertheless something I have thought about a lot over the last few years is what I think is a cancer in American politics--partisanism(pardon me if this is not a real word, it fits). GWashington in his farewell address after his second term as president warned of three things, one of which was the danger of political parties. We live in that reality. It bothers me how so many intelligent people can blindly or thoughtfully agree with any political party down the line. Furthermore it is particularly vexing how someone of faith can do so consistently. It seems to me that almost every political party out there does things well and poorly. Therefore I am perturbed by people who have chosen to give their unceasing loyalty to a party rather than ideas or the like. Occaisionly I overhear my roomate listening to a political talk radio station and the way this one DJ relentlessly attacks the "left." I am not saying that some of his ideas aren't valid and warranted, however he does this same gig everytime I hear him. It is never a show about issues inasmuch as it seems to be about his parties opinions on issues and why they are right. The real danger with party loyalty to me is the way it limits you from being able to think as objectively as you can about a given topic. I know being objective alone is really not possible because we are all slaves to the conventions that shaped us, but nevertheless I think far too many people agree with one party's stance on "a" issue so that instantly translates into the credibility of their stance on another--therefore we all choose not to think but merely agree and champion a party rather than work to figure out what we should understand about a given issue.

This is beginning to sound like a bit of a tirade from someone who has been out of the "political loop" for quite some time, so I will attempt to reign it in. I am simply writing this to say that I think people should really make sure they are thinking for themselves about things. I think our world(namely, 21st century, middle class, America)is set up to allow us to live our lives without thinking of things of consequence ever. You can spend hours in front of a television without ever really ebing entertained, you can spend tons of money on material and never be satisfied. You can watch the news that tells it the way you want to hear, or read the paper, or listen to the friends that agree with you. All the while I think we conciously, or unconciously let our minds be lulled into a slumber and allow others to think for us. This is a crime, we are all to precious for that. There is no objective news--liberal or conservative. There is no objective history--it is either told by winners, losers, or bystanders(and they were for a reason). Nevertheless the weight is on all of us to seek out truth and let it form our opinions. I think to be free we must think for ourselves, if we do not we bend the knee to the tyranny of ignorance or sloth. BHarper says, "You gotta fight, fight, fight, for your mind, mind, mind." I agree. I hope this does not sound as harsh as it felt written. My intent is not to change any minds but rather to encourage every mind.

right now.

*****ATTENTION*****The following Paragraph is a senseless rant about Baseball and Barry Bonds, if this offends you skip to the next line of asterisks.

So thanx to a friend, I have a subscription to mlb.com for a month and can watch any baseball game I want on my computer. As I was working on a calendar for college ministry I was listening to the end of the NYMets and SFGiants. Down by 2 in the bottom of ninth with 2 outs and 1 on, BBonds came up to pinch hit against BWagner. If anyone has seen Barry play this season, they know there was no reason to believe he stood a chance against the hard-throwing wagner. 4 pitches later the ball was in the stands in center. Just when I was beginning to doubt, Barry goes yard in a big way. Watching him bat is amazing. He never chases pitches, and doesn't miss many he swings at. Anyway, enough of that, I'm just saying I'm not surprised Wagner came after him, I would too, given how hard he throws and how bad Barry has looked lately. Nevertheless thanks to that it'll be another 2 weeks before Barry sees a pitch, and that is honestly the most frustrating thing to me. I just wish managers would grow a pair and pitch to him. I also think the Giants should be smart and buy a bat so Barry has to see some pitches. Enough of that. Heres the truth, the giants and Barry for all their skill, can't stop the Colorado Rockies, so do whatever you want Barry can't bat 9 times a game, and the rockies will continue to roll in their division.
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I've decided EL Fudge cookies are amazing and delicious. If you have not had some lately they are worth purchasing and eating.

In other news--Sarah and I were looking for something to do the other night, and we decided to cut off my hair. It is comfortable. Things with Sarah are awesome, and I feel so blessed to get to have a relationship like this. We want to her home over EAster and I met her family and friends. It was a really great experience and helped me know more about her. I feel like everything I felt before was nothing in comparison to what I know now. The more I am with her, the more I want to be. The only draw back of the trip is that we were unable to visit key place in Pearl Jam history whil we were there, so perhaps on future visits. By the way their new CD comes out Tues. and Rolling Stone says its their best in ten years. I'm stoked.

rolling rox, and road rash

Starters--Rockies 5-2 and swept only there 13th road series in franchise history this weekend. Let's start the playoffs today. In all seriousness, a healthy April and May means playoff contention in August. we'll see.

Last night Sarah and I were gonna ride my longboards for a date. I have to say "were gonna," b/c we never really made it past the first run. She can ride skateboards, this was clear the first second she got on the board, however it had been awhile and it was a fairly fast hill, thus the end was less than desirable. She got a bit stiff because of her speed and freaked out when she went over a speed bump and fell. She sprained her ankle pretty good, and has a scrawberry the size of a softball on her hip. She is hanging in there, and it was fun to watch her attack the hill so confidently. You can't really fault yourself, when you get hurt not being afraid, at least thats what I think. Nevertheless this experience as well as our relationship in general thus far is teaching me loads about sacrifice. There have been multiple times already when I have had to face my selfishness and sacrifice for the sake of "us." it is fun and has been a blessing. I'm stoked that when we go to Seattle this weekend, to visit her family, we'll be bringing her broken from my skateboard. funny.

Last week--last week was an interesting week. One in which I had to walk through being challenged by people and God. A situation arose where I was forced to look at myself and ministry and pray a lot to determine whether or not I was missing the boat or not. I am purposely staying ambiguous to protect everyone involved. On this side of things, I can say that it was an experience that hurt me at the time but has indeed made me a better minister. I think as long as ministering to people is my job, I will be hurt by the ones I love, and consequently I will hurt the ones I love. This is certainly a messy business, but nevertheless the only thing I can do.

Passive Resistance--I really have no clue what I think about war anymore. I have been reading, thinking, and listening to a ton of stuff lately in regards to how we should respond to aggression. I am still on the fence about this one. If anyone has any thoughts on where they have arrived on the necessity of war let me know. I'd love some feedback. Here is my question: If hate, anger, or violence could solve the world's problems than why are we still fighting today, because we have been fighting for a long time, you know?

Easter--hallelujah. Reading the book of John and being blown away by the focus and single-mindedness of Christ. poetry.

sleep--I don't need as much of it as I thought.

playing catch in the evening--might be the best thing ever. Thank goodness I have friends who like to.

chick-fil-a--it is really freaking good.

nature--goulet.

MLB 2006 Season Prospectus

Division winners:

ALW:A's
ALE:Red Sox
ALC:Twins
ALWC:Angels

NLW:Padres
NLE:Braves
NLC:Cardinals
NLWC:Mets

World Series: Brave's over the A's in 6 games
Series MVP: Jeff Francouer

Individual Awards:

ALMVP:Torii Hunter
NLMVP:Albert Pujols
ALCyY:Rich Harden
NLCyY:Jake Peavy

Other predictions:

--Rockies record: 85-77
--Omar Minaya and the Mets finally made some decent moves and were able to purchase the wild card
--The NL East will be a dogfight because of how competitive the braves, mets, and phillies will be, but in the end it will prove how essential pitching is to winning in baseball.
--The yankees will miss the playoffs and see that starting pitching is the most significant ingredient to winning as well.
--Josh Beckett will have a great year IF he pitches 200 innings.
--As Barry Bonds plays, so will the Giants--hence they will finish 2nd in the West.
--The dodgers will see the futility of buying really talented injury prone players, and finish badly
--The Oakland Athletics will win their division and Bobby Crosby, will get serious MVP consideration
--The Blue Jays will actually be much improved but won't make the playoffs
--The Colorado Rockies will have three NL Allstars--Holliday, Helton, and Jose Mesa w/ a sub 2.00 era.
--The young pitchers on the Orioles will all have improved years and prove the genius of Leo Mazzone
--The Braves will win a 15th straight division title.
--Jack Peavy, if he gets 3 runs of support a game, will win 20 games.
--The Cubs will vye for third in their division and wil consistently be about 6 games back in the wild card race, and consequently break my friend Van's heart again.
--If Clemens does not come back the Stros will be terrible.
--Ryan Howard and Jeff Francouer will have monster years and be allstars
--The royals will still be terrible
--No one will pitch to Miguel Cabrera all year and he will still hit 30 bombs.
--Alfonso Soriano will have a down year also, because of no protection and a bad ballpark.
--The Braves will STILL kill Tom Glavine when they play him and the reality of never getting 300 wins will sink in with a loud thud that can be heard in his full bank account, or empty soul.
--The Brewers will be much improved over last season, and contend for second in their division, although the cards will run away with first.
--Frank Thomas wil show, he still has "it", IF he plays 120 games. Thats a big if.


I want to keep going but need to get ready for school. Hopefully this is enough to make me look like a complete idiot in a couple of months. I hope this will encourage my baseball loving friends and poster's to do something similar so in a few months we can look back and see how wrong we all were.