resurrected

I'm gonna start writing again, I'm not dead, I'm getting married and in Washington. My head is full of thoughts and they need a place to live, forgive my absence blogging friends.

Old Song, still listening

Not the land--Caedmon's Call

So many miles behind
Still I drive with the pedal down
I was off the map hours back
It's beneath the seat, I think
It's with two pennies and a match
And something else, I can't remember
But in the time that it would take to fish it out
I'll be another mile gone
And I feel so wrong
Trying to feel right
In light of all the things I've passed
You'd think that I'd have learned

This is not the land was promised me
Even as far as my eyes can see
I'm so wound up, Lord, I can't even breathe
And I don't want words, I just want some peace
Some peace, some peace

It seems I've misplaced my faith
'Cause it's 11:12, and nothing's changed
Well, nothing except the channel I'm afraid
And the number there
No, it's the same
Oh, this must be the savior of the month
And what I must have
Where's the night gone?
'Cause I'm so tired and out of shape
You've gotta get me up
But I can't get up today
'Cause it's been so long
Since I've felt right
All the rote, rehearsal, proof
You'd think that I'd have learned

This is not the land was promised me
Even as far as my eyes can see
I'm so wound up, Lord, I can't even breathe
And I don't want words, I just want some peace
Some peace, some peace

Break me, break me, break me
This is not the land was promised me
Gotta get out of bed, get something to read
And I gotta feed my brother, not my eyes
If not, then I'll be all I despise

this morning

so I've been reading through the book of Acts lately and this morning I was blown away by the faith of the apostles. They did not shrink back from fear as they were time and time again told to not speak in Jesus's name. They never seemed to view discomfort as frustrating but rather like breathing. They never seemed to rejoice to long in freedom and release but rather seemed to move on to the next place to preach and share. It is staggering how different my life looks. I view comfort and security as a symbol of God's favor on my life, and view pain and discomfort as judgment. How interesting it is that that doesn't even seem to be in the conciousness of the early church, and furthermore if it is it seems to be reversed, as they rejoiced when they were counted worthy to suffer for the Name.

As I sat behind my big wood desk this morning inside of our church building I felt disgusted. Disgusted at what I my faith has become. My faith is a vehicle to occupation, my faith is a vehicle to programming morality, my faith is an ideology. My faith most often is not a belief in Jesus who is the Christ, the son of God. Faith for me means a whole myriad of things, and most of them seem systemic, rather than transformational and real. I long to be able to think of Christ and let that pervade all I do, I am so restless with turning Jesus into things, instead of letting him be what he is and letting that capture and enrapture me. Andrew, the apostle and Peter's brother said this as he was about to die by execution:

"O cross, most welcome and long looked for! With a willing mind, I joyfully come to you, being the disciple of Him who hung on you...The nearer I come to the cross, the nearer I come to God; and the farther I am from the cross, the farther I remain from God."

For three days he hung on the cross and as long as he could move his tongue said this, "Remain steadfast in the word and doctrine which you have recieved, instructing one another, that you may dwell with God in eternity, and recieve the fruit of his promises."

As I have thought on the promises of his word and the fruit, it is this to be with Christ. Heaven for me wil lnever be streets of gold and the crystal sea, but rather to look long into the eyes of Christ, to hold onto to him and not let go, and to bow before the long hoped for savior of my life. I'm so sick of believing in something so much smaller than the God of the Bible. I'm so sick of wasting much of my life trying to figure out how to entertain people or how to keep this machine going. I long to live. I long to believe and give God the room to show me that he is true. That his word spoke correctly of him, that I really can believe he is bigger than the genie in the bottle, angry judge, kind social worker I make him out to be. Forgive me if I sound brash. What if I believed? What if I really believed it was all true? What if I lived? Am I like Caiaphas who believed in preserving the political stroke and vitality of a nation under Rome he was saving Israel? Sometimes I think of his words of Israel in John 11 as the way I think of the church. I think that sometimes the prosperity and security that has been given to the church here in America is omething I feel like I need to participate in and protect. Sometimes I think I do this because I believe that is salvation, when it seems very clear that the disciples didn't freak out about saving the church when it was scattered for persecution, but rather they just kept going. Sometimes I am frustrated with the wasy I have chosen favor and security over obedience to the voice inside of me. Acts 5; people believed in CHrist not because of the strength of the church but rather because of the way people believed and saw God working. that is strength. tnak you for your mercy father and the gentle way you teach. Forgive my disbelief, and as the official once spoke I believe help my unbelief.

ramble on...

The past year I've been thinking about leadership alot. It is a powerful thing. To quote from Remember the titans, "attitude reflect leadership." I think this is very clear. Often times a leader makes an organization into their own image whether conciously or unconciously. For whatever reason there are always people who wish to follow regardless of where they find themselves. It seems that at times leaders are given credibility simply by nature of position or personality rather than connecting with people. People connect with them. SO I know this all really ambiguous, but I guess I'm just trying to articulate the idea that Leadership is important, and its impact on an organization is great whether it chooses to make an impact or not. There is no idle time for leadership. If a leader chooses to do nothing, then they are actually doing something to the organization that they are serving. This has made me A) recognize how amazing the leadership of CHrist was--constantly doing what was perhaps unexpected but never being inconsistent; and B)understand the responsibility of leading. If one is given leadership we do not have the option of doing nothing, because whether we desire it or not people will follow our lead.

SOme other stuff in the light years since my last post. Sarah and I are still dating, and it is a ton of fun. Tonight we're gonna see Death Cab at the Fillmore. I quit my job, and am taking a simple church planting job to the ski peeps in summit county colorado. It was way time for me to go, and God gave me a disticnt call to go. Perhaps in future posts I'll reflect more on the lessons learned in the last year of ministry and my experiences at ICC. At this time I think it is important for there to be a bit more distance. All in all my life is in an exciting transition phase. Its all adventure, I never know where its gonna go, please pray for me as I go. There are still mor eunknowns about where I am heading than knows. Nevertheless God has already shown himself to be more than faithful in caring for my needs. Like the Irish proverb, "may the road rise to meet you, may the wind always be at your back, and may God hold you in the palm of his hand." I feel that. Where could I go from your presence? He is always benevolent and working, I pray for eyes to see and a heart to believe.

entertainment

Today I was talking to a friend and he was telling me about a friend of his who has opted to bartend instead of pursuing a teaching career because she could make alot more money tending bar. It made me really consider how much we love entertainment. Maybe this is a clue why we are content to channel surf without ever being entertained instead of reading a book or doing something active. words, like pockets, are hard. I'm not as sad as this post sounds.

on a lighter note, I picked ryan howard to win the home run derby last night and he did. He is a freak, cecil fielder with a batting average; he'll be a monster before its all over. I'm picking the national league to win the allstar game tonight because I'm a homer like that. Brian Fuentes will have four saves and Matt Holliday will hit 10 homers in 3 ab's.

I'm also realizing that life is interesting, and I think sometimes we have to be really brave not to just peace out.

green

I'm from Mississippi, and at times I feel this more than others. Today is one of those days. This afternoon I was reading in my room. I live on the 2nd floor at my house and I have 2 large windows that I like to open most days. Neighborhoods in Colorado are ridiculous. Most houses sit on an eighth of an acre, thus if you have more than that you are practically a farmer. My window's view made me laugh today. When both windows are open the main view I have is the side of the house next door and then the backs of all of the other houses that open onto a beautiful 35ft. x 60ft. green belt. Every one of the houses have a back yard, backyards that are a lot larger than the front yards. My back yard is particularly nice, because my roomates recently put down new sod which looks like carpet, but nevertheless we all have tiny backyards so we should be particularly excited about our greenbelt. I'm kind of freaked out about that. It makes me think that maybe we have all decided to accept things that shouldn't be accepted. People in Colorado are nuts about conserving the environment. Some people care more about the treatment of the environment than the people next door. I'm not their judge, just saying. That being said, it blows my mind that most of those eco-friendly bumper sticker having people return gladly everyday to their tiny-yard subdivisions. Perhaps there behavior is based upon driving home everyday to see what was at one point green stuff, but this doesn't really seem to be the case. I love all of the parks in Fort Collins. Ever since I've lived here I've loved how our city is full of parks, and I wondered why there aren't more back in MS. Now its hit me, we have parks because we have no grass of our own. When did we decide to be satisifed with so little.

I'm not trying to hug some trees, just saying how bizarre it is that we work and toil for progress, and it seems that progress just erodes the very things and space we want to use on our vacations from working for progress. Besides is working for progress anything other than a circle.

So last week I went surfing in Southern California and heard the words of Ecclesiastes on a surfboard. I guess I'm just saying people matter, little else does. As I survey the plot of grass the HOA of my neighborhood has so graciously given me I wrestle with restlessness over being pinned in by progress. I miss oak trees and seeing places without houses. As I think about the circle of keeping up and acquiring I wonder, "What is worth my time?" This question haunts me. I've been listening to too much Cat Stevens I think. Either way I just think its important to think about where to put my life.

tasty

Earlier tonight I was hungry. Hungry and unmotivated. I wanted to eat. I wanted to eat something tasty, however I was having a problem getting really excited about eating because I ultimately understood that I'd be hungry again. I was frustrated with my body that it couldn't savor the food for longer than it does. I like to eat. All of this got me thinking about God. I was thinking about how our bodies are created to need food for fuel at every moment, and we always need to be seeking out more food. I was thinking about how our souls are similar. I think it is really interesting how we place so much emphasis on accepting Christ, when the reality is that is the birth, you know. I think the best analogy we should transmit to people is the idea of food. Entering into a relationship with God is agreeing to eat. It is realizing that he is sustenance and something we should continue to pursue all the time, not because we want to but because we need it to live. I like thinking about God like this. It makes a lot more sense to me and helps me remember that the "accepting" is almost irrelevant once you do it. "food for the stomach and stomach for food, but God will destroy them both," makes sense right?

San Francisco

Last week I was in Mill Valley for a class on worship. It was a great class, and most importantly a great trip. The seminary is located in a beautiful spot, with an amazing view of Alcatraz, the bay, the bay bridge, and the san francisco skyline. For some photos check out my friend Seth's blog, there is a link on the side. I'll try to recount some of the highlights of last week.

1-- Tuesday morning I arrive and walk a mile or so from the bus stop to campus with a skateboard in my hand and backpack on my back. As I walk I hear birds, and smell the water. Never realize how much I miss the smell of water and humidity until I'm back around it.

2--I arrive at Joe's house around 10:00 and get to talk to him about the loss of his son. It is sad, and hopeful to listen to Joe talk about what it was like to lose his child. He is doing well, but it is definitely what pervades all his thoughts and conversation. He ha sbeen hurt by too many people trying to explain it instead of just telling him, I love you and I care. I pray that people continue to surround he and Lizette with love and support, as it is clear to me that it will take quite awhile for their pain to cease. It was cool to see picture of Elias and hear about he impact so tiny a person could make in such a short time. My friends know God in a way I do not.

3--I rendevous with a pal from college, and RMC student Seth. He was able to stay with us for a few days. That night Seth and I go grocery shopping and are mistaken for a homosexual couple. It was awkward and funny. It was a good picture of how things are a bit different out there. Not exactly a common thing in MS.

4--I enjoyed eating lunch everyday on a bench staring at the water, feeling the sunshine, and enjoying the breeze.

5--I got to eat at a sweet Peruvian restaurant in SF and enjoy the company of friends.

6--I rode my long board in the cool of the night, while listening to the 2nd disc of the newest chili peppers cd. That night was a sweet time of just being alive. I felt like all my senses were engaged and felt alive. Music is powerful. I thank God for the way he has built us to have feelings.

7--Seth and I were able to check out a sweet redwood forest, and two sweet beaches in one day. I was actually able to get in the water and taste it, that night. The night concluded with In and Out burger, so it was pretty sweet.

8--This is probably the most important thing I learned on the trip-Our hearts will always get us in trouble. It seems that often times passion leads to pain. Its not necessarily good are bad, just true I think. I tend to be a fairly passionate individual, and it seems that lately most of that has led to me being hurt in some ways,all of them extremely constructive; but still hurt. The more I live the more I realize when we give ourselves to people, you know really give ourselves to people, we will be hurt. I think that is loving. We never have to worry about being hurt, if we don't really care about anyone. If we dare to love and truly care then we get the risk and the reward that comes with it. So this was a sweet truth to be reminded of; although painful at the time. I need help being practical sometimes and incidences like this help me to settle in and be.

9--Saturday, Sarah picked me up from the airport and we spent th ewhole day together just hanging out, talking, and eating a lot. It felt like a celebration, but I'm not even sure what we were celebrating. We also attended my friend Jim's church plant and that was a great experience. His church is so warm and real. I also was able to share worship with a friend of mine who has been going through some tough life stuff. He has made some decisions tht have stern consequences, but has nevertheless been recieved by a community that has embraced him, without ok'ing his poor choices.

Life is good, and Flow last night was a touching experience of worship for me. I hope that my heart is able to get free of feeling like leading worship is a job. When that happens everything just feels so real, and like God is as close as skin. Last night it felt that way.

Home

This past weekend, Sarah and I went home to Mississippi. It was a really fun trip. We went swimming everyday except one. We were also able to take a trip to the beach and clinton, where I went to school. This trip was about several firsts: Sarah hung out in MS for the first time, we got to be the first overnight guests in Sarah Shelton and T's new home, I saw my grandfather in his Alzheimer's home, Sarah ate Edds, Kiefer's, and crawfish for the first time, we saw my buddy nick's new concert venue he is building in hattiesburg, and we saw Van and emily's new home. This was really a fun trip. Its funny how quickly life moves. So many of my friends are doing a lot of things that to me, seem really "adult." It is really a blessing to get to share this phase of life with them. I can remember when I was in college and I thought about the "settling down" part of life and how it made me feel. I used to think that the settling required giving up a lot, and namely personal freedom. It has been really cool to watch a lot of my buds start this process and disciple me into a true understanding. It does seem like they are giving up a certain degree of personal freedom, but not nearly as much as I thought. Furthermore they are all sharing life with people that enhance their freedom and days. That is beautiful and attractive. It is so cool to watch the way they are enjoying this phase of their lives. It gives me so much hope. It helps me see the beauty of all the different stages of life we find ourselves in.

When I went to see my grandfather, I got the real sense he knew me. He never said my name, but all the while he spoke to me as though I were familiar and he understood who I was. I got to take a long walk with he and my grandmother. At first I was really scared, but the more we walked the happier I was that I was with him. The whole experience has helped me know how to pray for my grandmother in new ways. I can't even imagine how hard all of this has been for her, but I think on Friday I caught a glimpse. She is a really strong and godly woman. The most beautiful part of this whole trip was when we were sitting on a couch and trying to figure out where to walk. Pawpaw said I'll go with you wherever you want to go; to which my grandmother replied, "and I will go with you wherever you go." It got me. Love. Real love. It was such a blessing to be there in that moment, no matter the pain.

This trip also helped me see some of the whack things my family does, that I don't even recognize because it such a usual part of life. I think we all can relate to irrational things our family memebers always do, but we don't even recognize because some time, long ago we realized its better to just accept than change them. Thats all well and good, until an outsider comes and participates with your family. Then you are forced to look at some the wierd quirks of the people you grew up with, and try and answer the question why. Why, is perhaps too difficult a question to answer for half of it. All in all it is kind of a fun process to have to look at your family's behavior objectively. You realize we're all kind of crazy, and because of love we will overlook behavior that is completely irrational and unproductive. This wasa fun a part of our trip.

Sunday night I was able to visit a church my friends go to. It was fun to visit a church. It was a lot of fun to worship with these guys. Their church meets in the Fondren district of Jackson and is seeking to reach college students, young pros, and families in that area of the city. They meet in a beautiful Lutheran church building. The building was really sweet. The talk got me thinking about scripture. It seems that so often when someone speaks topically they choose to interpret scripture to prove their point, rather than communicate what it is saying. I know this pastor meant well, and he didn't say anything unbiblical, but he simply did not interpret a particular passage in the manner it was written. It just reminds me how tempting that can be, but how important it is to not use scripture as validating a point, but rather really try to undderstand what the writer was saying. That being said, it was a really great experience to be with these people and share that time of worship.

In regards to my relationship with Sarah, things are a lot of fun. I'm crazy about her and learning much of us, her, and myself.

Side bar--Barry got 715, but the Rox won the game. Double victory. I also have been thinking how interesting it is that BArry has been criticized for being a terrible teamate for wanitng his space, and yet now that Roger Clemens(diva) has decidde to play he can set his demands and no one dare accuse him. Even before all of the steroid stuff with Barry people would abuse him for having his own trainer and space in the locker room. Clemens doesn't even travel with the team unless he want to, and no one dare question him as being selfish or a team guy. Just frustrating, but also a great reminder that perception matters. Reputation matters. We can be such sheep sometimes, and choose to believe whatever we want.

SF--I'm going to San Francisco for class next week and am stoked. I'm gonna try to catch a giants game at SBC. Stoked, yet another ballpark visited.

RED hot chili peppers--The new cd is money. Musically it is awesome and I like the lyrics of some of the songs. They are so unique and enduring. Only band I know besides P-funk that the baseline can carry the melody. Freaking sweet. Fave songs of the moment are desecration smile, torture me, and 21st century.

This is getting long so perhaps I should try and blog more frequently in little bursts.

As Kingfishers Catch Fire

As kingfishers catch fire, dragonflies draw flame;
As tumbled over rim in roundy wells
Stones ring; like each tucked string tells, each hung bell's
Bow swung finds tongue to fling out broad its name;
Each mortal thing does one thing and the same:
Deals out that being indoors each one dwells;
Selves -- goes itself; _myself_ it speaks and spells,
Crying _What I do is me: for that I came_.

I say more: the just man justices;
Keeps grace: that keeps all his goings graces;
Acts in God's eye what in God's eye he is --
Christ. For Christ plays in ten thousand places,
Lovely in limbs, and lovely in eyes not his
To the Father through the features of men's faces.

--Gerard Manley Hopkins

Not the aforementioned coming post.

A song I'm liking

This song is on the new Pearl jam cd and I'm digging it these days.

Marker in the sand

There is a marker,... No one sees it cause the sand
Has covered over,... All the messages it kept
Misunderstanding,... What original truth was
And out expanding,... In a faith, but not in love

What went wrong?

Walking tightrope high,... Over moral ground
Seeing visions of,............. Falling up somehow
Do come down

With the living, Let,..... What is living love
So unforgiving, yet,.... Needing forgiveness first

God, what do you say?

Those undecided,........ Needn't have faith to be free
And those misguided, There was a plan for them to be
Now you got both sides Claiming killing in Gods name
But God is nowhere,..... To be found, conveniently

What goes on?

Walking tightrope high,... Over moral ground
Seeing visions of,............. Before you burn them down
Do come round

With a living, let,...... What is living love
So unforgiving, yet... Needing forgiveness first

God, what do you say? What do you say?

There is a sickness,...... A sickness coming over me
Like watching freedom,. Being sucked straight out to sea
And the solution?,........ Well, from me far would let it be
But the delusion,.......... Is feeling dangerous to me

What goes wrong?

Walking tightrope high,... Over moral ground
Seeing visions of,............. Falling up somehow
Do come down

With a living, let,...... What is living love
So unforgiving, yet... Needing forgiveness first

God, what do you say? What do you say?

Calling out,......... Calling out.
Calling out,......... I'm calling you out.

If only the lyrics weren't so ambiguous, perhaps we could understand what he was talking about(sarcasm intended). On the real, I'll post som eother thoughts and stuff soon.

Pearl Jam and off he goes...

Tuesday the new Pearl Jam CD came out, and it rocks. It is sad, but hopeful. There is a lot of music devoted to the American victims of war and their families. At times it is very sad, but every song seems to add a glimmer of hope. It is also very rock and roll which is sweet. Right now my 2 favorite songs are Severed hand, and Come back. I really like the lyrics and quite a few songs lend themselves to wondering what Eddie thinks of God these days. All in all I really dig it, but then again I dig them all. I'm not objective. They are the best band of my lifetime.

So my pal, newbs has prompted me to think about politics for a minute so here comes some reflection. By the way his blog is irish-salsa.blogspot.com, you should check it out. He is a Republican, and aspiring politician. I really like to hear his thoughts on matters of public policy and government and what not. Nevertheless something I have thought about a lot over the last few years is what I think is a cancer in American politics--partisanism(pardon me if this is not a real word, it fits). GWashington in his farewell address after his second term as president warned of three things, one of which was the danger of political parties. We live in that reality. It bothers me how so many intelligent people can blindly or thoughtfully agree with any political party down the line. Furthermore it is particularly vexing how someone of faith can do so consistently. It seems to me that almost every political party out there does things well and poorly. Therefore I am perturbed by people who have chosen to give their unceasing loyalty to a party rather than ideas or the like. Occaisionly I overhear my roomate listening to a political talk radio station and the way this one DJ relentlessly attacks the "left." I am not saying that some of his ideas aren't valid and warranted, however he does this same gig everytime I hear him. It is never a show about issues inasmuch as it seems to be about his parties opinions on issues and why they are right. The real danger with party loyalty to me is the way it limits you from being able to think as objectively as you can about a given topic. I know being objective alone is really not possible because we are all slaves to the conventions that shaped us, but nevertheless I think far too many people agree with one party's stance on "a" issue so that instantly translates into the credibility of their stance on another--therefore we all choose not to think but merely agree and champion a party rather than work to figure out what we should understand about a given issue.

This is beginning to sound like a bit of a tirade from someone who has been out of the "political loop" for quite some time, so I will attempt to reign it in. I am simply writing this to say that I think people should really make sure they are thinking for themselves about things. I think our world(namely, 21st century, middle class, America)is set up to allow us to live our lives without thinking of things of consequence ever. You can spend hours in front of a television without ever really ebing entertained, you can spend tons of money on material and never be satisfied. You can watch the news that tells it the way you want to hear, or read the paper, or listen to the friends that agree with you. All the while I think we conciously, or unconciously let our minds be lulled into a slumber and allow others to think for us. This is a crime, we are all to precious for that. There is no objective news--liberal or conservative. There is no objective history--it is either told by winners, losers, or bystanders(and they were for a reason). Nevertheless the weight is on all of us to seek out truth and let it form our opinions. I think to be free we must think for ourselves, if we do not we bend the knee to the tyranny of ignorance or sloth. BHarper says, "You gotta fight, fight, fight, for your mind, mind, mind." I agree. I hope this does not sound as harsh as it felt written. My intent is not to change any minds but rather to encourage every mind.

right now.

*****ATTENTION*****The following Paragraph is a senseless rant about Baseball and Barry Bonds, if this offends you skip to the next line of asterisks.

So thanx to a friend, I have a subscription to mlb.com for a month and can watch any baseball game I want on my computer. As I was working on a calendar for college ministry I was listening to the end of the NYMets and SFGiants. Down by 2 in the bottom of ninth with 2 outs and 1 on, BBonds came up to pinch hit against BWagner. If anyone has seen Barry play this season, they know there was no reason to believe he stood a chance against the hard-throwing wagner. 4 pitches later the ball was in the stands in center. Just when I was beginning to doubt, Barry goes yard in a big way. Watching him bat is amazing. He never chases pitches, and doesn't miss many he swings at. Anyway, enough of that, I'm just saying I'm not surprised Wagner came after him, I would too, given how hard he throws and how bad Barry has looked lately. Nevertheless thanks to that it'll be another 2 weeks before Barry sees a pitch, and that is honestly the most frustrating thing to me. I just wish managers would grow a pair and pitch to him. I also think the Giants should be smart and buy a bat so Barry has to see some pitches. Enough of that. Heres the truth, the giants and Barry for all their skill, can't stop the Colorado Rockies, so do whatever you want Barry can't bat 9 times a game, and the rockies will continue to roll in their division.
****************************************

I've decided EL Fudge cookies are amazing and delicious. If you have not had some lately they are worth purchasing and eating.

In other news--Sarah and I were looking for something to do the other night, and we decided to cut off my hair. It is comfortable. Things with Sarah are awesome, and I feel so blessed to get to have a relationship like this. We want to her home over EAster and I met her family and friends. It was a really great experience and helped me know more about her. I feel like everything I felt before was nothing in comparison to what I know now. The more I am with her, the more I want to be. The only draw back of the trip is that we were unable to visit key place in Pearl Jam history whil we were there, so perhaps on future visits. By the way their new CD comes out Tues. and Rolling Stone says its their best in ten years. I'm stoked.

rolling rox, and road rash

Starters--Rockies 5-2 and swept only there 13th road series in franchise history this weekend. Let's start the playoffs today. In all seriousness, a healthy April and May means playoff contention in August. we'll see.

Last night Sarah and I were gonna ride my longboards for a date. I have to say "were gonna," b/c we never really made it past the first run. She can ride skateboards, this was clear the first second she got on the board, however it had been awhile and it was a fairly fast hill, thus the end was less than desirable. She got a bit stiff because of her speed and freaked out when she went over a speed bump and fell. She sprained her ankle pretty good, and has a scrawberry the size of a softball on her hip. She is hanging in there, and it was fun to watch her attack the hill so confidently. You can't really fault yourself, when you get hurt not being afraid, at least thats what I think. Nevertheless this experience as well as our relationship in general thus far is teaching me loads about sacrifice. There have been multiple times already when I have had to face my selfishness and sacrifice for the sake of "us." it is fun and has been a blessing. I'm stoked that when we go to Seattle this weekend, to visit her family, we'll be bringing her broken from my skateboard. funny.

Last week--last week was an interesting week. One in which I had to walk through being challenged by people and God. A situation arose where I was forced to look at myself and ministry and pray a lot to determine whether or not I was missing the boat or not. I am purposely staying ambiguous to protect everyone involved. On this side of things, I can say that it was an experience that hurt me at the time but has indeed made me a better minister. I think as long as ministering to people is my job, I will be hurt by the ones I love, and consequently I will hurt the ones I love. This is certainly a messy business, but nevertheless the only thing I can do.

Passive Resistance--I really have no clue what I think about war anymore. I have been reading, thinking, and listening to a ton of stuff lately in regards to how we should respond to aggression. I am still on the fence about this one. If anyone has any thoughts on where they have arrived on the necessity of war let me know. I'd love some feedback. Here is my question: If hate, anger, or violence could solve the world's problems than why are we still fighting today, because we have been fighting for a long time, you know?

Easter--hallelujah. Reading the book of John and being blown away by the focus and single-mindedness of Christ. poetry.

sleep--I don't need as much of it as I thought.

playing catch in the evening--might be the best thing ever. Thank goodness I have friends who like to.

chick-fil-a--it is really freaking good.

nature--goulet.

MLB 2006 Season Prospectus

Division winners:

ALW:A's
ALE:Red Sox
ALC:Twins
ALWC:Angels

NLW:Padres
NLE:Braves
NLC:Cardinals
NLWC:Mets

World Series: Brave's over the A's in 6 games
Series MVP: Jeff Francouer

Individual Awards:

ALMVP:Torii Hunter
NLMVP:Albert Pujols
ALCyY:Rich Harden
NLCyY:Jake Peavy

Other predictions:

--Rockies record: 85-77
--Omar Minaya and the Mets finally made some decent moves and were able to purchase the wild card
--The NL East will be a dogfight because of how competitive the braves, mets, and phillies will be, but in the end it will prove how essential pitching is to winning in baseball.
--The yankees will miss the playoffs and see that starting pitching is the most significant ingredient to winning as well.
--Josh Beckett will have a great year IF he pitches 200 innings.
--As Barry Bonds plays, so will the Giants--hence they will finish 2nd in the West.
--The dodgers will see the futility of buying really talented injury prone players, and finish badly
--The Oakland Athletics will win their division and Bobby Crosby, will get serious MVP consideration
--The Blue Jays will actually be much improved but won't make the playoffs
--The Colorado Rockies will have three NL Allstars--Holliday, Helton, and Jose Mesa w/ a sub 2.00 era.
--The young pitchers on the Orioles will all have improved years and prove the genius of Leo Mazzone
--The Braves will win a 15th straight division title.
--Jack Peavy, if he gets 3 runs of support a game, will win 20 games.
--The Cubs will vye for third in their division and wil consistently be about 6 games back in the wild card race, and consequently break my friend Van's heart again.
--If Clemens does not come back the Stros will be terrible.
--Ryan Howard and Jeff Francouer will have monster years and be allstars
--The royals will still be terrible
--No one will pitch to Miguel Cabrera all year and he will still hit 30 bombs.
--Alfonso Soriano will have a down year also, because of no protection and a bad ballpark.
--The Braves will STILL kill Tom Glavine when they play him and the reality of never getting 300 wins will sink in with a loud thud that can be heard in his full bank account, or empty soul.
--The Brewers will be much improved over last season, and contend for second in their division, although the cards will run away with first.
--Frank Thomas wil show, he still has "it", IF he plays 120 games. Thats a big if.


I want to keep going but need to get ready for school. Hopefully this is enough to make me look like a complete idiot in a couple of months. I hope this will encourage my baseball loving friends and poster's to do something similar so in a few months we can look back and see how wrong we all were.

something corporate

I'm gonna rant about something for a second. My friend Sarah works at this restaurant called red robin. It is a family restaurant in the class of a ruby tuesday's that specializes in $6 burgers and fries, and other sandwiches. When she was training for the job she was required to read a manual that, no lie, rivaled that of some of a former girlfriend's nursing procedure books. Furthermore she refers to the customer's as "guests" and has to refer to them eating there as an "experience." In addition occasionally she is timed and required to go through a three point sit and greet thing in a certain amount of time or she will be censured. It all seems a little bit absurd to me. It seems that by and large these companies take themselves a bit to seriously. (By the way on some nights the restaurant has someone wear a large red robin mascot uniform and walk around the joint handing out balloons. Perhaps serious isn't the right word) All in all I think that all of this business psychology stuff is ridiculous and it is a shame that in order to attempt to make a buck and not lose it to the next guy we have deal with all of these head games. It stinks that going to a restaurant can't simply be about eating, it has to be about an experience. I know we are all very sensitive and aesthetic, but I do think that requiring people to treat you like a flippin king because you are going to spend $9 on a meal is absurd. I was also thinking about other experiences I have had with corporate entities (ie-Piggly Wiggly) and how sometimes managers of these joints treat as you as a robot for fear of those above them and their corporate responsibility. It makes me crazy to see people be so uptight and scared to build a relationship because of the list of things they have to monitor. What the heck, yo? anyway--I guess the meaning of all this is to say that I think much of what we endeavor to do in our world is vanity. Smoke and mirrors. it is easy for us to confuse the issue because we forget what is really important. Red robin thinks making a grown adult dress up like a robin is a good business principle, but talking at a table for mor ethan 2 minutes without taking a drink order is a bad business principle. it makes me want to jam a butter knif in my face.

Here is another wonderful tangent--I was at Wendy's a couple of days ago and watched this dude get nuts because it took them twenty minutes to get him his burger and fries. I thought, man this dude should really just cool out. It begs the question what do we think we are paying for when we go out to eat. APparently judging by this guys response, his $5.49 was purchasing expediency and a burger, coke, and fries. I'm just tired of watching people treat other people like crap and like something less than themselves simply because they payed a few bucks for a service. I know we should all do whatever we do well. However I think a more universal principle, and more significant to me, is we should be willing to treat human beings like friends, and not let crappy uniforms and/or counters confuse us into thinking something else is going on. I think most of us need to not take ourselves so seriously. I thought that dude was gonna have a heart attack because of the amount of time it took to make his food, and thought is this really how you want to go out bro? Love more, people. don't buy the lie that life is about what I get, its way too short for that perspective to steal any of it.

The book

Job 5:17-27
"How happy is the one whom God reproves; therefore do not despise the discipline of the almighty. For he wounds but he binds up; he strikes but his hands heal. He will deliver you from six troubles; in seven no harm shall touch you. In famine he will redeem you from death, and in war from the power of the sword. You shall be hidden from the scourge of the tongue, and shall not fear destruction when it comes. At destruction and famine you shall laugh, and sall not fear the wild animals of the earth. For you shall be in league with the stones of the field, and the wild animals shall be at peace with you. You shall know that your tent is safe, you shall inspect your fold and miss nothing. You shall know that your descendants will be many, and your offspring like the grass of the earth. You shall come to your grave in ripe old age, as a shock of grain comes up to the threshing floor in its season. See have searched this out; it is true. Hear, and know it for yourself."

These words come from JOb's pal Eliphaz the Temanite, so consider the source, but I think they are good.

Micah 6:8

He has told you, O mortal, what is good; and what does the Lord require of you but to do justice, and to love kindness, and to walk humbly with your God?

good words. right on Micah.

something eugene said

This is the intro to the book of Amos in the message remix:

More people are exploited and abused in the cause of religion than in any other way. Sex, money, and power all take a back seat to religion as a source of evil. Religion is the most dangerous energy source known to humankind. The moment a person (or government or religion or organization) is convinced that God is either ordering or sanctioning a cause or project, anything goes. The history, worldwide, of religion-fueled hate, killing, and oppression is staggering. The biblical prophets are in the front line of those doing something about it. The biblical prophets continue to be the most powerful and effective ever heard on this earthfor keeping religion honest, humble, and compassionate.

word eugene.

all kinds

So a lot has transpired over the last couple of weeks and I think all in all it would be pretty difficult for me to list it all so I will hit some of the highlights and see whwere that takes me:

uno--katrina--Last week I was able to go with 24 other folks from our church here in foco to the gulf coast in mississippi to help with hurricane relief. It was phenomenal. Everyday was a blessing. It was really awesome to be covered in sweat, bug bites, and earth at the end of everyday. Something beautiful about that. I also got the oppurtunity to make many new friends that were great people to share that week of my life with:Bill, Scott, Roy, D, Joe, Thomas. experiences like last week bond you to people for life. Oddly enough I had a dream last night with my biker friends from last week. It was a good dream. Those guys ruled hardcore. Its still quite the task to sift through everything that happened and the meanings of all the events, but nevertheless there they are. Perhaps I'll write more about stuff as we get further removed.

dos--grandparents--My grandparents recently sold the home they built and that most of my memories with them occurred in last month. I couldn't bring myself to go by there while I was home. I guess I am too sentimental. My grandfather is in a home for alzheimer's patients in mobile, AL, and I didn't go by and visit him either. I'm really unsure about what to do in regards to all of that. I know that if I ever go by and see him it will probably be for the sake of my mom and grandma more than myself. I talked to my little bro about the situation and he said of his visit that pawpaw was happy and didn't know who he was. It has nothing to do with him not knowing who I am, it all has more to do with the fact that I am not sure about him being there to live out his days. I know it makes my grandmother sad. She just recently moved in with her recently widowed sister and they seem to be doing well together. There is certainly a degree of bitterness within her about being away from pawpaw though. however it is clear that the two of them should not be alone together healthwise. Once a man twice a child. My parents are really wrestling with what to do as well. They both handle it differently. Mom constantly questions whether or not they are doing the right thing. Dad wants grandma to be more grateful and considerate. It is hard for me to hear him talk like that about her. But then again I am the one who lives in colorado and doesn't call or want to visit his grandfather, so why the double standard? I think I'll write my grandma a letter and try and explain why I am a coward and am refusing to deal with any of this. I think I'll tell her the truth that she and he are my 2 favortie people ever. I think I'll tell her that my grandfather is the man i hope to be. anyway there is a lot going here, so for any who may read my blog and hope to escape emotionally personal stuff I'll bring this musing to a close.

tres--kids--I got to spend some time at home with jake, abe, eliot, and the expected one. I got to put my hand on my sister's belly and was happy about that. I was able to hold eliot and have her run to me when she got scared of a dog, and hear her say I love you. I got to play football and basketball with abe at his request and I got a picture from Jake. It was really fun. I love those guys. SOmetimes it hurts to think of all the people who are not blood that get to be more a part of their life than me. I am selfish. I realize I am only to make the best use of the time I've been given to show love.

vier--sarah w--My friend sarah and I have been spending a lot of time together and it is spectacular. When I am with her I feel more myself than I have ever been. When I look in her eyes I never want to look away because it feels like home. this is a gift.

funf--my friend joe--my friend joe recently lost his first born son after a two week fight with cancer. last night we prayed thta joe and lizette would not have to decide about whether or not to put the baby on a machine for his heart or not. God answered and he died around midnight in the arms of his parents. I can't imagine having to make that decision or having to witness the last 2 weeks of JOe's life. Myheart is broke for he and Lizette and I pray that they run to God as their exceeding joy in this time.

sechs--Piper--SO there is this Piper sermon that I have been listening to a ton lately. It is the last sermon he will preach for five months due to prostate cancer. It is is beautiful. You can find it on desiringgod.org--o2/26/06. It is called "I will go to God--My Exceeding JOy." It is really a great example of someone who realizes the ultimate value of life. He preaches as though he is dying.

7--I've been thinking alot about my job. A lot of days I feel like a failure. After spending a week doing something that so clearly felt like living the gospel everyday it is hard for me to sit in an office. I gotta get out of this one I think. People. People make me feel alive. hope too. After last week and watching the way hope transformed a neighborhood I'd like to watch coll hand luke again. Hope is powerful. For real, i watched it transform people. this post is long.

8--Social justice--lately I have been thinking about the gospel and social justice--AMos, and 2 Cor 6--I have been thinking about what to give to the community I find myself in. I worry sometimes that I hoard too much. I listened to MLK the other day and it was beautiful to hear him talk about the gospel and the way they would live it in regards to the world where they founf themselves. I listened to Malcolm X the same day and he just sounded angry. He sounded like he was a prpoponent of the very hate he hated. He let his frustration and anger propel him to condone the same behavior as a response. I fail to see how that will ever produce any lasting change. Hence why I wonder about war. Nevertheless I thin kpeople take to violence for the glory and pride of being able to see results. I think more often than not loving in the revoltuionary manner we are called to will ultimately mean our death rather than our experiencing control. SOme people want control more than change I htink. Jesus loved and died. the world changed. mlk loved and died and the world changed. Warriors come and go and power changes but not men. so this is a rant, but stuff I've ben thinking about. X's speech was called the ballot or the bullet. MLK's I have a dream. 2 approaches to the same problem--one of hate, the other of hope. Am I willing to pay the price for the thing I desire most? this is one of our questions. live baby. i'm tired and need to go tell somebody about Christ so I have to go for now.

i will seek to post more regularly for those of you whose interest might be waning.

overdue

So a lot of stuff has been going on in my world it seems like for the past 2 weeks, and blogging has not been a priority. I've made a friend and she is different than any other person i have met. I have never felt the way I feel and thus we have been spending a lot of time together. I'm not really sure how or what to disclose right now, except that for all of you who read this, know I am happy. I don't want to get all mushy, but this is really fantastic.

In other news, BBonds showed that he is nothing less than the consumate teamate by participating in Giants idol last week, I'm sure most of you saw the pics, but if not a friend posted one on my myspace, you can click the link. Also I got the new Jack Johnson curious George CD and it is really fun and good. Some of the songs are cool for grownups and then some are just fun in an elementary way. i honestly can't think of anything of consequence to say right now on account of my brain being mush, so this is short. I just wanted my pals to know about some of the developments in my life. cheers until next time.