So a lot has transpired over the last couple of weeks and I think all in all it would be pretty difficult for me to list it all so I will hit some of the highlights and see whwere that takes me:
uno--katrina--Last week I was able to go with 24 other folks from our church here in foco to the gulf coast in mississippi to help with hurricane relief. It was phenomenal. Everyday was a blessing. It was really awesome to be covered in sweat, bug bites, and earth at the end of everyday. Something beautiful about that. I also got the oppurtunity to make many new friends that were great people to share that week of my life with:Bill, Scott, Roy, D, Joe, Thomas. experiences like last week bond you to people for life. Oddly enough I had a dream last night with my biker friends from last week. It was a good dream. Those guys ruled hardcore. Its still quite the task to sift through everything that happened and the meanings of all the events, but nevertheless there they are. Perhaps I'll write more about stuff as we get further removed.
dos--grandparents--My grandparents recently sold the home they built and that most of my memories with them occurred in last month. I couldn't bring myself to go by there while I was home. I guess I am too sentimental. My grandfather is in a home for alzheimer's patients in mobile, AL, and I didn't go by and visit him either. I'm really unsure about what to do in regards to all of that. I know that if I ever go by and see him it will probably be for the sake of my mom and grandma more than myself. I talked to my little bro about the situation and he said of his visit that pawpaw was happy and didn't know who he was. It has nothing to do with him not knowing who I am, it all has more to do with the fact that I am not sure about him being there to live out his days. I know it makes my grandmother sad. She just recently moved in with her recently widowed sister and they seem to be doing well together. There is certainly a degree of bitterness within her about being away from pawpaw though. however it is clear that the two of them should not be alone together healthwise. Once a man twice a child. My parents are really wrestling with what to do as well. They both handle it differently. Mom constantly questions whether or not they are doing the right thing. Dad wants grandma to be more grateful and considerate. It is hard for me to hear him talk like that about her. But then again I am the one who lives in colorado and doesn't call or want to visit his grandfather, so why the double standard? I think I'll write my grandma a letter and try and explain why I am a coward and am refusing to deal with any of this. I think I'll tell her the truth that she and he are my 2 favortie people ever. I think I'll tell her that my grandfather is the man i hope to be. anyway there is a lot going here, so for any who may read my blog and hope to escape emotionally personal stuff I'll bring this musing to a close.
tres--kids--I got to spend some time at home with jake, abe, eliot, and the expected one. I got to put my hand on my sister's belly and was happy about that. I was able to hold eliot and have her run to me when she got scared of a dog, and hear her say I love you. I got to play football and basketball with abe at his request and I got a picture from Jake. It was really fun. I love those guys. SOmetimes it hurts to think of all the people who are not blood that get to be more a part of their life than me. I am selfish. I realize I am only to make the best use of the time I've been given to show love.
vier--sarah w--My friend sarah and I have been spending a lot of time together and it is spectacular. When I am with her I feel more myself than I have ever been. When I look in her eyes I never want to look away because it feels like home. this is a gift.
funf--my friend joe--my friend joe recently lost his first born son after a two week fight with cancer. last night we prayed thta joe and lizette would not have to decide about whether or not to put the baby on a machine for his heart or not. God answered and he died around midnight in the arms of his parents. I can't imagine having to make that decision or having to witness the last 2 weeks of JOe's life. Myheart is broke for he and Lizette and I pray that they run to God as their exceeding joy in this time.
sechs--Piper--SO there is this Piper sermon that I have been listening to a ton lately. It is the last sermon he will preach for five months due to prostate cancer. It is is beautiful. You can find it on desiringgod.org--o2/26/06. It is called "I will go to God--My Exceeding JOy." It is really a great example of someone who realizes the ultimate value of life. He preaches as though he is dying.
7--I've been thinking alot about my job. A lot of days I feel like a failure. After spending a week doing something that so clearly felt like living the gospel everyday it is hard for me to sit in an office. I gotta get out of this one I think. People. People make me feel alive. hope too. After last week and watching the way hope transformed a neighborhood I'd like to watch coll hand luke again. Hope is powerful. For real, i watched it transform people. this post is long.
8--Social justice--lately I have been thinking about the gospel and social justice--AMos, and 2 Cor 6--I have been thinking about what to give to the community I find myself in. I worry sometimes that I hoard too much. I listened to MLK the other day and it was beautiful to hear him talk about the gospel and the way they would live it in regards to the world where they founf themselves. I listened to Malcolm X the same day and he just sounded angry. He sounded like he was a prpoponent of the very hate he hated. He let his frustration and anger propel him to condone the same behavior as a response. I fail to see how that will ever produce any lasting change. Hence why I wonder about war. Nevertheless I thin kpeople take to violence for the glory and pride of being able to see results. I think more often than not loving in the revoltuionary manner we are called to will ultimately mean our death rather than our experiencing control. SOme people want control more than change I htink. Jesus loved and died. the world changed. mlk loved and died and the world changed. Warriors come and go and power changes but not men. so this is a rant, but stuff I've ben thinking about. X's speech was called the ballot or the bullet. MLK's I have a dream. 2 approaches to the same problem--one of hate, the other of hope. Am I willing to pay the price for the thing I desire most? this is one of our questions. live baby. i'm tired and need to go tell somebody about Christ so I have to go for now.
i will seek to post more regularly for those of you whose interest might be waning.
2 comments:
wow. a lot has transpired since we last commisserated. we definitely need to get together and catch up next week.
now THAT'S a blog entry!
the trip to mississippi sounds like it was an incredible experience. I'd like to be a part of something like that sometime soon.
Alzheimer's is such a strange condition. My one surviving grandparent, my grandma on my dad's side, is getting pretty old, and she's deteriorating mentally. I wish I had been closer to her during my life so far, but she lives in North Dakota, and I see her maybe once a year. It's pretty hard on my dad though.
i imagine it's really a mind-job when a sibling is expecting a child for the first time. A friend of mine, who's my age, is 7 months pregnant. it's so weird... I thought I was still a kid.
there's a really cool church in Layton, Utah that my friend Brandon is the media director for. The church's name is "Elevation," and they have a podcast. you'd probably like their approach to ministry. I was just reminded of it when you mentioned listening to that sermon online.
this comment is long. but i'm bored, so i'm commenting it up.
I enjoy reading your blogs, Jeff. you and I think alike on a lot of things.
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