Bueller

"Life moves pretty fast, if you don't stop to look around once in awhile, you just might miss it." --Ferris Bueller

A modern prophet really. It seems I've spent my whole life preparing for the next step. I have terminally lived in a time that is not promised to me. Blaise Pascal said thats a real shame when we do that. He said we neglect the one time we can control because we waste all our days regretting the past or planning for the future. I agree. I'm really trying to focus my life now for the future. I think there really is a difference. I know I have tried to live focused on the future and I think it is worthless. I think I need to live realizing that there may be a future, but the past way to prepare for it is to be the person for the future right now. If it comes I am ready. If not, then I am who I supposed to be anyway. I promise this all makes sense in my head. Nevertheless I press on. I pray that I will see my life right now as what it is supposed to be. I pray that I realize I am who I am. I pray that I do not live one more minute regretting, and that I live in motion, understanding the value of the past only relative to how it allows me to live the now. Mercy is great. Christ has shown clemency beyond my capacity to understand. I will rest in that and not try to dissect it. I will take it as freely as it has been given.

scrugglin

Somedays I anticipate death. Not in a wierd, morbid, goth way, just in a teen agnst, John Hughes Rite de passage movie kind of way. (Borrowing from Wayne's World of course.) I get really frustrated with fighting somedays. everyday I realize a little more what a coward I am. I realize that I talk much and exercise little. Nevertheless we press on. I don't know why I am writing this so others can see, but here I am. Ham I am. death really is victory. Truly it has already occurred if I believe the Word. Thus I should Find a way to remember it day by day. Gosh this is dramatic. Future posts will be more comedys and less drama. On a side note I have considered some new Titles for my forthcoming Gangster Rap album: ten in the clip- one in the hole, Mo meditate and less conversate. Just some ideas. I gotta go lay down some tracks.

stuff and things

Currently I am learning that the more you choose to love people the more you will be hurt. Its not really ever like that movie stuff where everyone wants to sing kum ba ya or at the end of the day you say man my lie looks grea. At the end of the day I do say, I love my life. I hope we all can. If we can't why do we do it. Nevertheless I think it has been an important distinction for me to realize. Vulnerability=peace. Peace doesn't look describable or desirable, but it remains. That is what is so cool about peace. It is. In the midst of chaos it is. I think its easy to look around at the brokeness and grow discouraged. However I've learned that brokeness can be serene if our perspective is right. When we realize we are broke we are most useful I think. Its a shame it takes being fractured or cut to see how powerful bleeding is. this is rambling. I think I'm retarded and dramatic.